Writer Sanctum
Other & Off-Topics => Bar & Grill [Public] => Topic started by: Michelle Louring on September 20, 2018, 05:22:58 PM
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Okay, cards on the table: I was basically born a grumpy old geezer. I have on more than one occasion yelled at neighborhood kids to "Get off my lawn!"
But I try to keep Grumpy Michelle contained by encouraging others to spread positivity (as long as it's not those darn kids...), so I thought my first thread on this forum should be a completely off-topic, positive one Grin
Basically, I want you all to share funny stories, jokes, pictures of puppies and whatever else you think might put a smile on someone's face.
But don't worry, we can totally make a separate "Rant About Everything"-thread as well!
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CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
THERE’S A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. WHO’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE-UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES.
SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
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Not funny, but I think this might be impressive enough to be worthy of a smile.
This video was recorded and filmed in a single take and is also a very good vocal and musical performance.
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I posted this on Twitter a couple of days ago, hence the brevity (for once, not usually my thing ...):
I once had to speak at a primary school
Teacher: Who likes Harry Potter?
Kids: YAY!
Teacher: Isn't JK Rowling amazing?
Kids: YAY YAY!
T: Well, we have a wonderful surprise for you today!
Kids: REALLY!?
Parents: OMG WHAT!?
Me: Uh-oh
T: Yes, it's SIMON HAYNES
... crickets. Small boy crying.
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SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
Snorted water up my nose, but I guess I asked for that :icon_lol:
I'm out of puppy pictures, so you guys need to make do with an owl in a scarf:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DT5jan1WAAEfHK-.jpg:large)
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Perhaps this will put a few grins on some faces:
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So...
I was on a panel at Phoenix Fan Fusion (Previously Phoenix Comic Fest, but never to be referred to as Phoenix Comicon for legal reasons). The panel was called "Marching Orders," and was about writing realistic military sci-fi.
I showed up to the panel about half an hour early- just as the previous panel was letting out. I sat in the audience and waited. The chairs started filling in around me, and when the room was ready, I started making up stuff about all the panelists. At first, it was plausible- "Did you know that Melinda Snodgrass wrote the entire third season of ST:TNG?" (She only wrote "Measure of a Man.) Then, I ramped it up: "Did you know that Sylvain Neuvel and Fabio were competitors in Milan?" Then I went to bizarre world: "Did you know that Old Man's War is an autobiography, and that John Scalzi is a time-traveling Space Marine?"
By this time, the room is full, and the panel is supposed to start. Kevin Ikenberry is like, "Where's Gardner?" John Scalzi surveys the crown and points me out. "He's in the audience." The entire panel audience simultaneously turns to look at me, so I wave and run up to the stage. At the Q&A stage, a congoer asks, "Mark Gardner said that when Scalzi appeared for this panel, he would rise from the stage floor and there would be smoke effects and light effects." Scalzi turns to him without missing a beat and replies, "And that's exactly what happened. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
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You wanted puppy and dog photos? Here ya go. Sophia, my blue girl, newborn to mature. [attach id=0 msg=1444] [attach id=1 msg=1444] [attach id=2 msg=1444]
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You're welcome.
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/11/d3/28/11d328a90736fdbc6b833ce7ee79c70b.jpg)
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You're welcome.
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/11/d3/28/11d328a90736fdbc6b833ce7ee79c70b.jpg)
Laughing while mildly disappointed is a strange feeling. ;)
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I was promised puppies. I'd prefer kittens but I was promised puppies. But then we get beavers and birds. Beavers and birds! Look, if birds are going to be allowed, prepare for shock and awwww. Not right now, mind you, but when I can go take some pictures. Should have taken more when they were tiny babies but they're grown up now. I digress. Prepare!!! SHOCK AND AWWWW!
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I was promised puppies. I'd prefer kittens but I was promised puppies. But then we get beavers and birds. Beavers and birds! Look, if birds are going to be allowed, prepare for shock and awwww. Not right now, mind you, but when I can go take some pictures. Should have taken more when they were tiny babies but they're grown up now. I digress. Prepare!!! SHOCK AND AWWWW!
I gotchu dude.
(https://article94.files.wordpress.com/2018/09/img_3565.jpg?w=450)[ (https://article94.files.wordpress.com/2018/09/img_3565.jpg)
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(https://z-p3-scontent.fath5-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/541655_10200812091374140_16395377_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&oh=a942d1f1d583fd6308ec02bbf3110037&oe=5C2A3AF1)
SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.
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(https://i.imgur.com/odwxfrx.jpg)
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(https://z-p3-scontent.fath5-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/541655_10200812091374140_16395377_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&oh=a942d1f1d583fd6308ec02bbf3110037&oe=5C2A3AF1)
SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.
:icon_lol2:
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CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
THERE’S A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. WHO’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE-UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES.
SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
Why do I never get messages like this? Am I not worthy?
*sniff*
Can't I get a little love too?
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Not puppies--but this is probably the funniest TV skit I've ever seen--Robin Williams and Carol Burnett, both in top form. :)
&t=1s
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(https://i.imgur.com/GU65yGe.png)
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If your jimmies are easily rustled, I recommend against watching this. On the other hand, if you occasionally find yourself chuckling at the professionally offended, this might be for you...
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Aw, this should make any writer smile. Tricking spam people into giving you a quote for your nonexistent book.
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James Veitch is hilarious. :icon_rofl:
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(https://i.imgur.com/Wtx0vCn.png)
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Smile . . . or else.
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(https://i.postimg.cc/MTfPGPgY/gutsnballs.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
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CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
THERE’S A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. WHO’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE-UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES.
SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
:icon_lol2: Made me check my messages!
This works for me:
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(https://i.postimg.cc/MTfPGPgY/gutsnballs.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
In my house, that's the distinction between stupid and suicidal.
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(https://beta-static.photobucket.com/images/i343/Just4kixbooks/0/036a42e7-395b-4d15-90b6-3257d67c39e2-original.jpg?width=1920&height=1080&fit=bounds) (https://beta.photobucket.com/u/Just4kixbooks/p/036a42e7-395b-4d15-90b6-3257d67c39e2)
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(https://i.giphy.com/media/q36oyUGLdB1Mk/giphy.gif)
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(https://i.giphy.com/media/kd92VhZcjL6c8/giphy.gif)
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AGBjI0x9VbM
Worth watching several times!
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(https://beta-static.photobucket.com/images/i343/Just4kixbooks/0/115e75f2-0b13-4124-9085-0f4cafa2311c-original.jpg?width=1920&height=1080&fit=bounds) (https://beta.photobucket.com/u/Just4kixbooks/p/115e75f2-0b13-4124-9085-0f4cafa2311c)
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Your face will bloom into laughter! grint Grin :icon_mrgreen: :icon_rofl: :hehe
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zfy9VqGzZKE
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T: Yes, it's SIMON HAYNES
... crickets. Small boy crying.
Didn't Valdemort kill him?
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Okay, two videos for this thread. This first one has got to be the funniest scene in the movie The Incredibles 2.
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And for the second video, probably the funniest skit from the Carol Burnett show.
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Your face will bloom into laughter! grint Grin :icon_mrgreen: :icon_rofl: :hehe
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zfy9VqGzZKE
:icon_rofl:
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:icon_rofl: Run! Zombies are here! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdYZmAzjF8
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(https://i.imgur.com/0ebCIUW.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/0ebCIUW.png)
Me.
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Kid's teacher just sent this to me this morning. I never tried to attach something on a forum before, so fingers crossed. :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em Parade of earless llamas cause she likes them.
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(https://i.imgur.com/SMRPkUY.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/SMRPkUY.png)
Very funny, except his middle name is Richard.
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(https://i.imgur.com/SMRPkUY.png)
Very funny, except his middle name is Richard.
That means he's MR Pence to you. :hehe
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Wishing all the Sanctum members well over the festive season and all you wish for yourselves in 2019
(my little dog already has her stocking out in preparation for her gifts grint)
(https://i.postimg.cc/62rbzNwq/Tinky-Christmas-2018-small-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/62rbzNwq)
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(https://i.imgur.com/h9uoeAG.png)
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My friend at work brought me a bouquet of dead roses. Said his wife didn't want them anymore.
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(https://i.imgur.com/h9uoeAG.png)
What's really funny is that we've fought our way to the top of the food chain only to have a bunch of people telling us we need to become vegetarians. I'm gonna have a steak and taters dinner tonight just to show my disagreement with them.
Grin
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What's really funny is that we've fought our way to the top of the food chain only to have a bunch of people telling us we need to become vegetarians. I'm gonna have a steak and taters dinner tonight just to show my disagreement with them.
Grin
I'm cool with vegetarians and vegans promoting their way of eating. But I see a lot of posts by militant vegans. The kind who claim it's okay to murder a man who's going to slaughter a cow for food.
Scary.
But I'm going to console myself over breakfast with one of these (I'm 100% carnivore):
(https://www.seriouseats.com/images/2012/12/20121204-big-ass-steak-butter-basted-20.jpg)
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What's really funny is that we've fought our way to the top of the food chain only to have a bunch of people telling us we need to become vegetarians. I'm gonna have a steak and taters dinner tonight just to show my disagreement with them.
Grin
I'm cool with vegetarians and vegans promoting their way of eating. But I see a lot of posts by militant vegans. The kind who claim it's okay to murder a man who's going to slaughter a cow for food.
Scary.
But I'm going to console myself over breakfast with one of these (I'm 100% carnivore):
(https://www.seriouseats.com/images/2012/12/20121204-big-ass-steak-butter-basted-20.jpg)
There's just been publicity in the UK about vegans who harassed customers buying turkeys for Christmas, claiming the turkeys really wanted to live. My grandmother raised turkeys in the 1920s and said they were the stupidest birds in existence. When it rained, if they weren't brought under cover, they'd stand with their beaks open and drown. Does a bird like that really worry about its possible fate?
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There's just been publicity in the UK about vegans who harassed customers buying turkeys for Christmas, claiming the turkeys really wanted to live. My grandmother raised turkeys in the 1920s and said they were the stupidest birds in existence. When it rained, if they weren't brought under cover, they'd stand with their beaks open and drown. Does a bird like that really worry about its possible fate?
I read about the recent hubbub in the UK. It's surreal.
On a lighter note...
(https://i.imgur.com/v0OT8Y5.png)
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You will be genuinely happy when you free your mind and dance like a vagabond gypsy! Season's greetings, fellow travelers! :cheers :band: :lalala :banana: :dance:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xiEgSgHM8cc
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A soldier's homecoming.
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The Life of a Writer (we should start a new thread just with Snoopy)
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/35/f6/4e/35f64e002ee9f683798e5d2c9afc113c.jpg)
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And one more.
(https://i1.wp.com/nicholasrossis.me/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/darkadstormy4.jpg?w=948&ssl=1)
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(https://i.imgur.com/2MT9F9Q.png)
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Everyone's a critic.
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It's hard to see the dog treats that land right on your forehead.
(https://i.giphy.com/media/BxFmxuuj7amyI/giphy.gif)
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A cliffhanger "ending!"
(Only kidding. She made it, just got a little dusty.)
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(https://beta-static.photobucket.com/images/i343/Just4kixbooks/typing%20paragraphs_zpsuauej9g5.jpg) (https://beta.photobucket.com/u/Just4kixbooks/p/d1adf952-3e93-474b-830a-e2f22c0a30c6)
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(https://beta-static.photobucket.com/images/i343/Just4kixbooks/5b10c7c6-28b0-4611-b8ec-7ab61b8c63a2_zps1762adfa.jpg) (https://beta.photobucket.com/u/Just4kixbooks/p/cf8c51a9-e1d0-4214-887a-74812ce55c6f)
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!
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A puppy picture for Dan.
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(https://i.imgur.com/MYyMbg1.png)
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(https://agentsofdisrupt.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/hector_wtf.jpg)
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(https://i.imgur.com/Zb1CoEM.png)
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:-)
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Police have discovered the culprit behind the current Polar Vortex.
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(https://i.imgur.com/6pdi557.png)
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:hehe
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(https://i.imgur.com/Gq4yA4f.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/Gq4yA4f.png)
Hahahaha I'll never look at almond milk the same way again! I'm also finding myself wondering now where nut butter comes from :icon_eek:
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:catrun
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.
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(https://agentsofdisrupt.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/somepeoplepush.png)
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I got a new bed for the dogs:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzPgqRmUYAA6IpS?format=jpg&name=large)
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The publisher rejected my autobiography. That's the story of my life.
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The publisher rejected my autobiography.
Same here. I self-publish. :icon_think:
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The publisher rejected my autobiography. That's the story of my life.
:icon_rofl:
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The Cosmos obviously has it in for this guy.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/feb/13/maine-bank-robber-ice-fall-police-bad-luck
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Last night, Judy thought I was getting amorous in bed, groping her. I was looking for the remote.
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(https://i.imgur.com/Fw82ByS.png)
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Climate Sandwiches:
Morning - snow drops from the heavens.
Afternoon - snowdrops reach up from the earth.
Perhaps the gods fancied a human sandwich
or maybe I stumbled upon a Supernatural set.
:ices_angel_g:
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I've always had as an objective the ability to type as fast as I can think, which I believe would help me become a more prolific writer. I am here to announce that in my declining years, I have finally realized that goal. Only I still can't type very fast.
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.
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:n2Str17:
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Ain't nothing funny about this. But if you enjoy steak, you may still smile.
(https://i.imgur.com/xNRSHWm.png)
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Are you an adult?
Are you unsexy?
Good news! There's a wallet just for you!
https://www.amazon.com/Donalworld-Unsexy-adult-Orange-Leather-Wallet/dp/B00JYZ77UI/
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Are you an adult?
Are you unsexy?
Good news! There's a wallet just for you!
https://www.amazon.com/Donalworld-Unsexy-adult-Orange-Leather-Wallet/dp/B00JYZ77UI/
I. Must. Not. Click. Buy. Button! (I'm breaking out in a cold sweat here. That wallet is so "Me." Unsexy-adult indeed!
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That wallet is zipless and free of ulterior motives. How can it not be sexy?
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Got this in an email entitle Adult Truths.
The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
(Ladies ... Quit Laughing! )
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(https://i.imgur.com/JDtqRYA.png)
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:catrun
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.
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:Healing:
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(https://i.imgur.com/4GGCzIF.png)
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Grin
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.
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(https://i.imgur.com/uhbHjey.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/W33LwZA.png)
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Grin
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(https://i.imgur.com/AKmMpGH.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/AKmMpGH.png)
The cat's grumpy because he can't decide who to murder first, the dog or the human. :icon_mrgreen:
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(https://agentsofdisrupt.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/pumpkin_pi.jpg)
Happy Pi Day! :cheers
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Happy Pi Day! :cheers
I made a Pi Day blog post (https://jefftanyard.blogspot.com/2019/03/happy-pi-day.html) for anyone who's interested. :nerd:
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I remember reading this years ago, I always thought it was hilariously accurate!
The Dog’s Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
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I remember that one, too, Captain. It never gets old. :icon_rofl:
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And still I'm a cat person, lol. My poor dog doesn't even know it.
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(https://i.imgur.com/xZeut3h.png)
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And still I'm a cat person, lol. My poor dog doesn't even know it.
Don't move to Connecticut. They wanna tax cats!
https://kicks1055.com/get-ready-connecticut-the-cat-tax-could-be-coming-soon/
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(https://i.imgur.com/XLJ7H40.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/HS7uNL8.png)
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.
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(https://i.imgur.com/W33LwZA.png)
:clap: :tup3b :Tup2: :goodpost: :icon_rofl:
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.
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Grin
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My preacher friend passed away a few years ago
He liked to recall his days as a young pastor in a small North Carolina town.
Late one night there was a loud knocking on his front door.
It was a young soldier with his young girlfriend.
"Preacher," the soldier said, "I've just got my orders to ship out tomorrow. Will you marry me and my girl tonight?"
But Preacher Justin shook his head.
"I can't do that," he said. "You need a marriage license and then a blood test. This is Friday night and the courthouse will be closed Satuday and Sunday. And it will be the middle of next week before you get the blood test results."
The girl grabbed the soldier's hand. Tears welled up in her eyes.
The soldier turned back to my friend.
"Well Preacher, could you say enough words over us to get us through the night?"
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(https://i.imgur.com/gQkzz9c.png)
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Grin
Wow! I remember that sign. That DQ is here in Las Vegas, though a few things have changed since this photo was taken. The DQ is now a tea shop and the Sav-On Drugs is now a CVS.
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Guess the sign didn't really work!
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Well, I want a baby panda now. :heart:
In the meantime, here's a modern Major-General. :icon_mrgreen:
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Fashionable Stockings
$20.45-$5,000.00
https://www.walmart.com/ip/20-30-mmHg-Firm-Compression-Pantyhose-Graduated-Compression-Support-Hosiery-Fine-Italian-Made-Fashionable-Stockings-Size-4-Nude/383512179
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(https://i.imgur.com/tx72QrJ.png)
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How about you? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A9GWhSndmf0
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.
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(https://i.imgur.com/YYpFppe.png)
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I found a new title to read.
(https://scontent.flas1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/56619872_10156402314707921_176156971248910336_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&_nc_oc=AQkTq0_RBuLtC2_gv18lF6wXeeYLFq8LPrxBvLGGd1BUq2x_JeoMaR8f810FG8qIJ0I&_nc_ht=scontent.flas1-1.fna&oh=8a921f6b82d4ad3d1bde75f71239c751&oe=5D4B7002)
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(https://i.imgur.com/hXAykyB.png)
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The Avengers: Endgame I hope they show.
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:icon_rofl: Pink fun at THE DEAD DOG HOTEL! :icon_rofl:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RzriJpYiGjw
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My preacher friend explained that way back when they were translating the Bible into the King James version that paper was hand-made and very expansive. So part of the Creation story was edited.
He said this the real story of the Garden of Eden.
God was taking a much needed rest after six days of very hard work. But then Adam walked up.
"Sorry to bother you God. I've got a problem."
God was perplexed. "I thought I made you nice place in the Garden of Eden."
Adam agreed that the Garden was beautiful and comfortable. There was a nice river for swimming, plenty of tasty fruit, even an apple tree.
He sighed. "But God, I'm very lonely there. I need someone to share life with me. Could you make me a help-mate?"
God scratched his head. "You're right," God said. "You shouldn't have to live alone. I can make you a woman. She'll be perfect in every way. She'll bear your children. But she won't ask you to change the diapers. She'll take care of the 3 am feedings. She'll be perfect.
The woman will do all the house cleaning and dish washing with a smile on her face. Why, she won't fuss even if you stay out all night.
She'll be perfect."
Adam smiled from ear to ear. "That's great, God. Thank you.
God held up his hand. "But it's going to be lot of work and trouble to make a perfect woman. So it's going to cost you."
"That's only fair," Adam agreed. "After all, she'll be perfect. So what will it cost me?'
"An arm and a leg."
Adam was taken aback. "I know it'll take a lot of work for a perfect woman. But an arm and a leg? Wow!'
Adam started to walk away, but turned back.
"God? What could I get for, say, just a rib?"
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If you've never seen the movie The Emperor's New Groove, you are missing a treat. If you have, the extracted dialogue for Yzma at IMDB is fun to revisit:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120917/characters/nm0457755 (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120917/characters/nm0457755)
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The scenes come from Buffalo Rider (1978). If the comments on the YouTube video are correct, the cougar scene was unscripted but the cameraman kept filming anyway.
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This song even mentions reading.
Also, for those that remember the original video coming out, the girl is 36 years old now.
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(https://i.imgur.com/RYE5WVe.png)
I'm all for allowing business owners to discriminate. Their house, their rules.
But this "gender surcharge" seems like a bad business decision. lol
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This question keeps popping up on Quora:
Why didn't the Nazis use the channel tunnel to invade Britain?
:dizzy :shrug :hehe
100+ answers.
https://www.quora.com/Why-didnt-the-Nazis-use-the-channel-tunnel-to-invade-Britain (https://www.quora.com/Why-didnt-the-Nazis-use-the-channel-tunnel-to-invade-Britain)
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Three syringes were found inside the inmate’s rectum. Not mine, he said.
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article224069680.html
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Three syringes were found inside the inmate’s rectum. Not mine, he said.
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article224069680.html
Florida Man always delivers the lulz. :icon_mrgreen:
Florida Woman isn't quite as prolific, but she sometimes delivers, too:
Florida Woman Pulls Alligator out of Pants During Traffic Stop (http://www.fox10phoenix.com/news/us-world-news/florida-woman-pulls-foot-long-alligator-out-of-yoga-pants-during-traffic-stop)
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(https://i.imgur.com/Tl53vwp.png)
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Will I become a bestselling author someday?
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.
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.
On my usual Sunday stroll, I saw something unusual:
On a public verge banked high, circles of daffodils bowing down to swaying tulips - nothing but buttercups and daisies are the usual sights for this particular area.
It made me smile.
Of course, I'm thinking fairies decided to create some new homes for their elders because the human shops are closer and everyone knows fairies love shopping even more than the Kardashians. *.*
grint
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If this doesn't make you smile, you may be dead inside...
(https://i.imgur.com/69fD7UM.png)
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Aw, sweet. Glad to see I'm not dead yet :)
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:hehe
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(https://i.imgur.com/svlehfJ.png)
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Eagle who decided to rear its baby hawk dinner instead of eat it.
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.
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Starting curtains today. Scissors better be sharp.
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The Presidential Seal displayed behind the President yesterday at a conservative summit had the two-headed bird of the Russian State Seal instead of the American eagle, and, was clutching golf clubs instead of arrows.
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(https://i.imgur.com/g3S7Dkp.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/V4Jki1I.png)
There are better ways to abbreviate "assorted" (asstd.).
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There are better ways to abbreviate "assorted" (asstd.).
As well as space on the sign for those better ways.
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(https://i.imgur.com/V4Jki1I.png)
There are better ways to abbreviate "assorted" (asstd.).
It certainly creates a strong visual for the term sh*@#ing bricks doesn't it? :icon_rofl:
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It certainly creates a strong visual for the term sh*@#ing bricks doesn't it? :icon_rofl:
:littleclap :icon_rofl:
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(https://i.imgur.com/PZNDV1Q.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/PZNDV1Q.png)
:doh:
Click the Buy It Now button!
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Product (on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EITYUU/)):
(https://i.imgur.com/NKW4tEY.png)
Review (click the image to enlarge it):
(https://i.imgur.com/rF5XLW6.png)
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When plants become your pets!
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When plants become your pets!
You know, I think I want to make something like that for books. It will go on the cover and display a sad face when you're not reading it. Also, it will be one more thing you'll need to change batteries in, as if you don't have enough of those already. Or, it will be rechargeable, which means another thing to recharge, as if you don't have enough of those already. Plus, in that latter case, it will probably be a lithium-ion battery which is one more thing that can explode and catch fire and, being that it's on a book cover which is a paper product, that fire is going to have some good fuel to get going. But, no need to worry because embedded inside the back cover of the book will be a stone slab with a sad face emoticon engraved on it. So, when the fire inspector goes through the scorched ashes of your home, he (or she) will crouch down over this stone slab, dust off the ashes from the book, spot the sad face emoticon and nod knowingly. So, even at the end, the book will display the appropriate emoji and that's, like totally, the most important thing EVAH in this day and age.
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(https://i.imgur.com/kCaxEky.png)
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When plants become your pets!
You know, I think I want to make something like that for books. It will go on the cover and display a sad face when you're not reading it. Also, it will be one more thing you'll need to change batteries in, as if you don't have enough of those already. Or, it will be rechargeable, which means another thing to recharge, as if you don't have enough of those already. Plus, in that latter case, it will probably be a lithium-ion battery which is one more thing that can explode and catch fire and, being that it's on a book cover which is a paper product, that fire is going to have some good fuel to get going. But, no need to worry because embedded inside the back cover of the book will be a stone slab with a sad face emoticon engraved on it. So, when the fire inspector goes through the scorched ashes of your home, he (or she) will crouch down over this stone slab, dust off the ashes from the book, spot the sad face emoticon and nod knowingly. So, even at the end, the book will display the appropriate emoji and that's, like totally, the most important thing EVAH in this day and age.
We can have 'Smartcover' option for books in addition to Hardcover, Paperback, and Kindle editions. Possibly, the cover image for the book can exhibit simple gif animations. :cheers
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When plants become your pets!
You know, I think I want to make something like that for books. It will go on the cover and display a sad face when you're not reading it. Also, it will be one more thing you'll need to change batteries in, as if you don't have enough of those already. Or, it will be rechargeable, which means another thing to recharge, as if you don't have enough of those already. Plus, in that latter case, it will probably be a lithium-ion battery which is one more thing that can explode and catch fire and, being that it's on a book cover which is a paper product, that fire is going to have some good fuel to get going. But, no need to worry because embedded inside the back cover of the book will be a stone slab with a sad face emoticon engraved on it. So, when the fire inspector goes through the scorched ashes of your home, he (or she) will crouch down over this stone slab, dust off the ashes from the book, spot the sad face emoticon and nod knowingly. So, even at the end, the book will display the appropriate emoji and that's, like totally, the most important thing EVAH in this day and age.
Instead of stone, make it out of bronze. That'll give the archaeologists of the future something to think about. :icon_mrgreen:
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Look who's preaching!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RH3Yk1spxtk
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(https://i.imgur.com/gMYfAKo.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/1hdKDAl.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/1hdKDAl.png)
Bud Light presents... Real Men of Genius. :icon_mrgreen:
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World Laziness Day!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vzlZYwgL-us
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World Laziness Day!
I'm not sure why, but this brought to mind the words of wisdom from Lawrence in Office Space:
Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do sh*t.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/cswowm/who_needs_a_gym_membership_when_you_can/
I don't know what the hell he's saying, but I still want to have a beer with him.
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Joke:
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.
(https://i.giphy.com/media/NsIJrwllj1ybtl1Q61/giphy.gif)
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Joke:
I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c0/26/f9/c026f962841384aef3af5ec2c45f84b9.gif)
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Star Wars Cats!
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Joke:
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
(https://media.giphy.com/media/ja9d4SBvqxzKpJJmzc/giphy.gif)
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Germany apologizes to Poland:
:clap: :tup3b :Tup2:
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(https://i.imgur.com/CltkhHn.jpg)
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(https://i.imgur.com/CltkhHn.jpg)
:cheers
Gawd I hate Karen.
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:icon_rofl: Funny final scene from Demolition Man! :icon_rofl:
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(https://i.imgur.com/ZLlEBCx.jpg)
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C'mon, dude. Less anger, more situational awareness.
(https://i.imgur.com/pz7YMxk.gif)
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.
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(https://i.imgur.com/fXavzcF.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/XDVg05H.png)
* If you're unfamiliar with the current Area 51 raid, you can get the gist here: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/20/us/area-51-raid.html
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* If you're unfamiliar with the current Area 51 raid, you can get the gist here: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/20/us/area-51-raid.html
(https://i.imgur.com/jJ8gST0.jpg)
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This is actually author related, but it did make me smile. I love it when some random person walks into Amazon little bookstore and orders one of my paperbacks. Especially one that hasn't seen any love in months. Seeing a book jump over 4.5 million spots in the ranking is enough to make anyone smile. Grin
(http://)
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This is actually author related, but it did make me smile. I love it when some random person walks into Amazon little bookstore and orders one of my paperbacks. Especially one that hasn't seen any love in months. Seeing a book jump over 4.5 million spots in the ranking is enough to make anyone smile. Grin
(http://)
[/quote
:clap: I know the feeling only too well - unfortunately it doesn't happen very often :icon_rolleyes:
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(https://i.imgur.com/FZjlefT.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/D3CdrEH.png)
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Wonderful students and a sportive teacher!
Funny flash mob!
:icon_rofl: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu6ho9ODJ8w :icon_rofl:
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I'm not gay. But I may have a crush on Gervais.
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Worthy of discussion but probably not in a lighthearted thread such as this.
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What would you say to "The Shining Twins" when you sight them in a deserted corridor?
Metaphorical hint:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p8LUoTKKRuc
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(https://i.imgur.com/jZ9ZhnB.png)
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(https://i.imgur.com/E4JxAES.png)
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Way to make money!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qNseEVlaCl4
:icon_rofl:
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Way to make money!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qNseEVlaCl4
:icon_rofl:
Bastiat would have liked that one, I'll bet. :icon_lol2:
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You can watch the full stage version of Phantom of the Opera for free on Youtube this weekend only. It's very good, especially the guy who sings the Phantom.
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https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/27/tech/microsoft-word-two-spaces-trnd/index.html
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https://thechive.com/2020/06/12/libraries-that-took-a-page-from-the-funniest-book-in-their-collection-35-photos/
Especially for writers and book lovers. :icon_mrgreen: :icon_mrgreen: