Writer Sanctum
Other & Off-Topics => Bar & Grill [Public] => Topic started by: Vidya on January 27, 2020, 02:29:15 AM
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Maybe its because i’m a writer, which means I was a reader first. People who read surely will always have something to say.
we’re so full of opinions on here that when I meet someone who doesn't have much to say, I find it so weird. I mean, there is so much to talk about. How can some people have so little to say for themselves?
It's kind of amazing how many dull, uninteresting people there are in the world, people who barely open their mouths. I mean, come on, how can you not be passionate about some topic or the other?
How many boring people do you meet in your life? What do you think is wrong with them?
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It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.
Oldie but a goodie. grint
Lot's of reason why people don't talk. Trauma, shyness, lack of trust, mind on something more important to them.
Or what is passionate for them, they assume will bore you, so they don't say anything. Husbands continually told by their wives that talking work is boring. Eventually they believe it, and stop talking.
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I think people who talk more in real life are generally less interesting. And they certainly don't want to hear anyone else's opinion on anything. I make an effort to talk to the quieter people, and some of them just want to be left alone, and I respect that if I get that vibe, but a lot of them have just tired of being shouted over and given up.
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There are many types of people I avoid. When I encounter them, I become tight-lipped.
It's not because I lack opinions on matters that interest these people. I simply refrain from sharing them.
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There are many reasons to keep quiet. In the long run it saves a lot of hassle. :lalala
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I'm an introvert. It's not that I don't have anything to say. I'm simply not interested in discussing my opinions or ideas with most people, especially not in today's cancel culture.
Silence is golden.
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People who read surely will always have something to say.
This depends entirely on what they're reading, doesn't it?
Some people are on a sleep, eat crap food, work a boring job, eat crap food, mindless escapism, bad sex, sleep, and repeat regimen. In Vedic scripture, they're considered stuck at their root chakra (located, of course, at the perineum or thereabouts). Their primary concerns are survival. I doubt many of these types make the cut to appear on Jeopardy and suspect their conversational skills are limited.
That covers about half or more of America.
Otherwise, if you can sort out a person's passion, what really lights them up, you can have a great conversation and learn something to boot. It helps to be curious in a "What makes you tick?" way (though some people hate that, and it's very risky to ask of drama queens).
To be honest, I tend to avoid people full of opinions--they're usually just looking for an audience. I prefer the full of wonder types.
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It's kind of amazing how many dull, uninteresting people there are in the world, people who barely open their mouths. I mean, come on, how can you not be passionate about some topic or the other?
How many boring people do you meet in your life? What do you think is wrong with them?
Well, look here. You're making a judgement about people you might not even know, and are perhaps meeting for the first time. Surely you understand that not everyone is gregarious like you seem to be. To expect them to be like you seems intolerant. To say "quiet" people are boring is simply unkind. Think of a situation where you have been uncomfortable. Now magnify that feeling: every single time a quiet person is exposed to a loud room with lots of people they feel something like that, but worse. Don't forget people who are in the autistic spectrum. Their responses are not going to be what you want or expect.
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me? i'm an introvert. i hate talkative people: it's like being repeatedly poked in the side with a stick. talkative people are usually those with the least to say, but they keep saying it anyway; they're also the most exhausting for an introvert.
i will talk at length with someone i'm close to and who doesn't exhaust me. someone i like.
i won't talk to random people at length because that is exhausting. i'm also dyslexic and that, unfortunately, also sometimes affects my ability to put words together (or refrain from merging two together as i speak) in a coherent way.
perhaps a great percentage of readers are also introverts and have the same issues i do. lack of speech is not to be confused with a lack of intelligence, imo.
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me? i'm an introvert. i hate talkative people: it's like being repeatedly poked in the side with a stick. talkative people are usually those with the least to say, but they keep saying it anyway; they're also the most exhausting for an introvert.
I'm not an introvert, but I think you said it perfectly. Talkative people are exhausting. And they usually deliver a low signal-to-noise ratio.
I feel the same about long forum posts. Some people post like they're paid by the word. lol
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I’m always looking for an audience. But I want a back and forth. Nothing is more exhausting than carrying the entire burden of a conversation. If people are silent around me I feel judged by them. They aren’t sharing their thoughts but I am sure they have them. Silence has nothing to do with intelligence. I’m taking the risk of coming across as a fool but the other person isn’t. Not fair.
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I’m always looking for an audience.
I'm a social camel and prefer solitude above all else, but social situations aren't a problem. Over the past couple of days, I haven't spoken with anyone in person unless we include Alexa, though I have written a few pages worth of texts.
I do love a good conversation and am highly approachable when outside my lair, but need three days to recoup following a heavy night of socializing.
Very shy people can be clumsy with words. I used to be that way myself, so I'm patient with them. The incurably inarticulate tend to be willfully ignorant so I don't bother with them at all.
Nitpick Of The Day: Why is it most people today can't answer a question without first saying, "Well, I mean..."? What's with the "I mean" before answering the question?
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As an extremely quiet person, I can supply a few reasons a person might not talk:
* Too polite to interrupt whoever is running the conversation.
* Having a soft voice that everyone talks over.
* Not interested in or knowledgeable about the topic.
* Reluctant to engage in conflict with people entrenched in their opinions.
* Mind going blank when asked a question.
* Afraid of boring others or making conversation too much about self.
* Distracted by whatever's on their mind.
* Wary of revealing too much (not wanting to get too personal).
* Having nothing in common with the people present.
* Socially awkward, shy, or uncomfortable in their environment.
Things that can draw out a quiet person:
* One-on-one conversation. Often people uncomfortable in a group situation become more talkative away from the crowd.
* Introducing a topic they have expertise in, like asking about their work or their pets.
* Not monopolizing a conversation so that they can't get a word in. It's embarrassing for a shy or soft-voiced person to begin a sentence repeatedly only to have to trail off because someone else keeps talking over them. It feels like the speaker only wants to hear themselves.
* Introduce an activity. Shy people sometimes become less self-conscious if engaged in a relaxing activity, like lunching or walking together.
In general, rather than viewing quiet people as boring, unintelligent, or not passionate, I see them as thoughtful, cautious, secretive about their emotions. Few people will ever know what's going on beneath their surface, which means that the people they do open up to are highly trusted. Then again, my opinion in biased. Who wouldn't rather imagine themselves mysterious, rather than dull?
All in all, it's probably best to try and understand that person whose way of communicating is different from yours. A common perception about people who don't talk is that they're unfriendly, which may not be the case. A common perception about the talkative is that they just like to be listened to and don't really care about having an exchange of ideas, which is also probably not a fair assumption.
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There is nothing wrong with the so-called dull, uninteresting, and boring folks. And them being utterly interesting with lots of things to say isn't something awesome either.
Unfortunately, readers and readers-turned-writers have a bigger vision of the world, of people, their personalities. They have already dealt with different kinds of personalities in books. So, it would be rather surprising if they get disappointed with the so-called mediocre, boring folks. In fact, writers and readers can exhibit much empathy towards these tribes. The problem is gathering a bunch of like-minded people around you with whom you can discuss a variety of interesting things, not just books. And that won't happen, especially in workplaces, in college, in your neighborhood, and family circles.
Life would be boring if everyone was like-minded. We need doctors, nurses, maids, engineers, construction workers, gardeners, shoe makers, plumbers, grocers, accountants, entrepreneurs, quilters, soldiers, teachers, and other people. There is so much to do to keep the planet running! So, different people's brains are wired in different ways for all good purposes. Many professions don't require you to be a chataholic.
Conscious silence turns you into a reservoir of energy.
Some quotes I love, may not be in exact words...
"Avoid noisy people, they're vexations to the soul. " - The Desiderata
"Today I will encounter people who are egoistic, talk too much, but I won't feel surprised or shocked for I cannot imagine a world without such people." - Marcus Aurelius
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* One-on-one conversation. Often people uncomfortable in a group situation become more talkative away from the crowd.
Absolutely. Put me into a group of say, half a dozen people, and get a conversation going on some topic, it may take me a little while before I'll open up. Now, this is if it's a group of people I don't know. If we're all friends, that doesn't apply.
That's why I absolutely hate those exercises where, I go to some conference or workshop and the head torturer decides, "Let's all break up into groups now and work on this situation." If I don't know anyone in the group I get stuck in, I'm not going to have much to say for the first little while, if ever.
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It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.
Oldie but a goodie. grint
Lot's of reason why people don't talk. Trauma, shyness, lack of trust, mind on something more important to them.
Or what is passionate for them, they assume will bore you, so they don't say anything. Husbands continually told by their wives that talking work is boring. Eventually they believe it, and stop talking.
That goes for wives being told by their husbands that what they have to say is not important.
However, I must admit that I sometimes don't talk because I'm too busy mentally writing the next scene. And like a lot of introverts I just plain do not like crowds. If I am not thinking about the next scene, I may be planning my escape.
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If I am not thinking about the next scene, I may be planning my escape.
Or the escape is the next scene in planning. grint
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I just plain do not like crowds. If I am not thinking about the next scene, I may be planning my escape.
I look at crowds and social events as research.
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Amusing how this thread brought out so many talkative introverts. As for me, I'd rather have a root canal than go to a party or spend two minutes with a chirpy extrovert.
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talkative introverts
Typative introverts.
There is a difference.
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talkative introverts
Typative introverts.
There is a difference.
It's easy to be talkative when you're an anonymous face behind a keyboard. It's when it's face-to-face that things tend to slow down.
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If you discover someone's pet like (or hate), they'll generally talk about it, but a lot of people will only open up with family or close friends - if at all.
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If you discover someone's pet like (or hate), they'll generally talk about it, but a lot of people will only open up with family or close friends - if at all.
I'm having visions of creatures opening up and a second head poking out with misshapen hands reaching for you.
:icon_mrgreen:
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talkative introverts
Typative introverts.
There is a difference.
Haha! Truth!
Vidya, when I first read your post it made me think that I've never truly met a boring person. Inarticulate, yes. Even if at first I thought someone was boring, once I get to know them, it's quite the opposite. Of course, as an introvert, I avoid situations like parties and crowds and whatnot so my interactions with people tend to be few but wonderfully stimulating.
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I think people who talk more in real life are generally less interesting. And they certainly don't want to hear anyone else's opinion on anything. I make an effort to talk to the quieter people, and some of them just want to be left alone, and I respect that if I get that vibe, but a lot of them have just tired of being shouted over and given up.
:goodpost:
I worked with a girl who did nothing but talk, talk, talk. I loved her because she was/is genuinely a nice person and had a quiet, but sometimes shocking, sense of humor. But any time I tried to talk, she'd glaze over. She had no interest in listening to anyone else do the talking.
I don't talk much. Mostly it's because I'm an introvert and find talking (or listening to people talking) exhausting. That said, I'm passionate about a lot of things and have strong opinions about many things. Small talk makes me uncomfortable and, after many years on this earth, I've found a lot of folks want to keep it simple and not discuss deep topics. And because I'm one of those quieter people, I have grown tired of being shouted over or constantly interrupted by the more talkative types.
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me? i'm an introvert. i hate talkative people: it's like being repeatedly poked in the side with a stick. talkative people are usually those with the least to say, but they keep saying it anyway; they're also the most exhausting for an introvert.
I'm not an introvert, but I think you said it perfectly. Talkative people are exhausting. And they usually deliver a low signal-to-noise ratio.
I feel the same about long forum posts. Some people post like they're paid by the word. lol
Thank you.
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Different strokes and all that. I am quiet in real life unless I know you, and then I can talk your ear off. I much prefer to talk to other people who like to talk a lot. :D
I do not find quiet people boring at all, but it's not that hard to read the difference between genuine introversion and contempt. I avoid contemptuous people. They're ugly and I don't have room in my life for their nonsense. :D
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I avoid contemptuous people. They're ugly and I don't have room in my life for their nonsense. :D
I talk to crazy people sometimes, mainly online. There’s a guy in my writing forum who often spews bile, repeats the same old grievances he has with other members over and over again, and tries to drag me and everyone else into his fights.
I ignore all his vituperations and answer selectively. He has sometimes given me useful feedback on my writing, so I stay on talking terms with him though i’ve ignored him too for weeks when he was acting particularly crazy.
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I talk to crazy people sometimes, mainly online. There’s a guy in my writing forum who often spews bile, repeats the same old grievances he has with other members over and over again, and tries to drag me and everyone else into his fights.
I ignore all his vituperations and answer selectively. He has sometimes given me useful feedback on my writing, so I stay on talking terms with him though i’ve ignored him too for weeks when he was acting particularly crazy.
You sure like to use the word 'crazy' a lot.
@'@
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Crazy people can also be great fun. I don't recall using the word “crazy” on here except in this post where i’ve used it a couple of times. I definitely didn't use it in my OP.
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Crazy people can also be great fun. I don't recall using the word “crazy” on here except in this post where i’ve used it a couple of times. I definitely didn't use it in my OP.
Okay ...