Author Topic: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread  (Read 5938 times)

Michelle Louring

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Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« on: September 20, 2018, 05:22:58 PM »
Okay, cards on the table: I was basically born a grumpy old geezer. I have on more than one occasion yelled at neighborhood kids to "Get off my lawn!"
But I try to keep Grumpy Michelle contained by encouraging others to spread positivity (as long as it's not those darn kids...), so I thought my first thread on this forum should be a completely off-topic, positive one  Grin

Basically, I want you all to share funny stories, jokes, pictures of puppies and whatever else you think might put a smile on someone's face. 
But don't worry, we can totally make a separate "Rant About Everything"-thread as well!
Crazy owl lady. I also occasionally write Fantasy books, but the owl is really all anyone cares about.

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guest14

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2018, 05:30:26 PM »
CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
THERE’S A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. WHO’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE-UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES.
SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2018, 05:54:55 PM »
Not funny, but I think this might be impressive enough to be worthy of a smile.

This video was recorded and filmed in a single take and is also a very good vocal and musical performance.


     
 
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Simon Haynes

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2018, 05:57:12 PM »
I posted this on Twitter a couple of days ago, hence the brevity (for once, not usually my thing ...):


I once had to speak at a primary school

Teacher: Who likes Harry Potter?

Kids: YAY!

Teacher: Isn't JK Rowling amazing?

Kids: YAY YAY!

T: Well, we have a wonderful surprise for you today!

Kids: REALLY!?

Parents: OMG WHAT!?

Me: Uh-oh

T: Yes, it's SIMON HAYNES

 ... crickets. Small boy crying.
 

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Michelle Louring

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2018, 05:57:41 PM »
SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

Snorted water up my nose, but I guess I asked for that  :icon_lol:

I'm out of puppy pictures, so you guys need to make do with an owl in a scarf:
Crazy owl lady. I also occasionally write Fantasy books, but the owl is really all anyone cares about.

https://michellelouring.com/
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2018, 06:03:05 PM »
Perhaps this will put a few grins on some faces:


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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2018, 02:34:38 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Mark Gardner

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2018, 02:39:40 AM »
So...
I was on a panel at Phoenix Fan Fusion (Previously Phoenix Comic Fest, but never to be referred to as Phoenix Comicon for legal reasons). The panel was called "Marching Orders," and was about writing realistic military sci-fi.

I showed up to the panel about half an hour early- just as the previous panel was letting out. I sat in the audience and waited. The chairs started filling in around me, and when the room was ready, I started making up stuff about all the panelists. At first, it was plausible- "Did you know that Melinda Snodgrass wrote the entire third season of ST:TNG?" (She only wrote "Measure of a Man.) Then, I ramped it up: "Did you know that Sylvain Neuvel and Fabio were competitors in Milan?" Then I went to bizarre world: "Did you know that Old Man's War is an autobiography, and that John Scalzi is a time-traveling Space Marine?"

By this time, the room is full, and the panel is supposed to start. Kevin Ikenberry is like, "Where's Gardner?" John Scalzi surveys the crown and points me out. "He's in the audience." The entire panel audience simultaneously turns to look at me, so I wave and run up to the stage. At the Q&A stage, a congoer asks, "Mark Gardner said that when Scalzi appeared  for this panel, he would rise from the stage floor and there would be smoke effects and light effects." Scalzi turns to him without missing a beat and replies, "And that's exactly what happened. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
 

R H Auslander

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2018, 04:27:43 AM »
You wanted puppy and dog photos? Here ya go. Sophia, my blue girl, newborn to mature.  [attach id=0 msg=1444]  [attach id=1 msg=1444]  [attach id=2 msg=1444]
 

EB

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2018, 06:09:56 AM »
You're welcome.
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2018, 06:11:21 AM »
You're welcome.


Laughing while mildly disappointed is a strange feeling. ;)

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2018, 08:47:22 AM »
I was promised puppies.  I'd prefer kittens but I was promised puppies.  But then we get beavers and birds.  Beavers and birds!  Look, if birds are going to be allowed, prepare for shock and awwww.  Not right now, mind you, but when I can go take some pictures.  Should have taken more when they were tiny babies but they're grown up now.  I digress.  Prepare!!!  SHOCK AND AWWWW!
     
 
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Mark Gardner

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #12 on: September 21, 2018, 08:53:31 AM »
I was promised puppies.  I'd prefer kittens but I was promised puppies.  But then we get beavers and birds.  Beavers and birds!  Look, if birds are going to be allowed, prepare for shock and awwww.  Not right now, mind you, but when I can go take some pictures.  Should have taken more when they were tiny babies but they're grown up now.  I digress.  Prepare!!!  SHOCK AND AWWWW!
I gotchu dude.
[
 

guest14

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #13 on: September 27, 2018, 04:43:53 AM »


SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #14 on: September 27, 2018, 04:56:37 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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idontknowyet

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #15 on: September 27, 2018, 05:23:06 AM »


SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

:icon_lol2: 
 

Eric Thomson

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #16 on: September 27, 2018, 05:26:13 AM »
CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
THERE’S A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. WHO’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE-UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES.
SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

Why do I never get messages like this?  Am I not worthy?
*sniff*
Can't I get a little love too?
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #17 on: October 09, 2018, 03:20:03 PM »
     
 
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Cathleen

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2018, 04:59:29 PM »
Not puppies--but this is probably the funniest TV skit I've ever seen--Robin Williams and Carol Burnett, both in top form. :)

&t=1s
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #19 on: October 10, 2018, 04:05:37 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #20 on: October 10, 2018, 05:59:25 AM »
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #21 on: October 11, 2018, 04:34:22 AM »
If your jimmies are easily rustled, I recommend against watching this. On the other hand, if you occasionally find yourself chuckling at the professionally offended, this might be for you...


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

MelanieRay

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #22 on: October 21, 2018, 11:48:54 PM »
Aw, this should make any writer smile. Tricking spam people into giving you a quote for your nonexistent book.

 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #23 on: October 22, 2018, 06:23:57 AM »
James Veitch is hilarious.   :icon_rofl:



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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #24 on: October 24, 2018, 10:01:50 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #25 on: October 24, 2018, 10:31:57 AM »
Smile . . . or else.
     
 
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Tonyonline

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #26 on: October 29, 2018, 03:05:19 AM »
 

YouMeWe

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #27 on: October 31, 2018, 11:51:43 PM »
CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
THERE’S A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. WHO’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE-UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES.
SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND THERE’S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

 :icon_lol2: Made me check my messages!


This works for me:

Pleez scoose n e errers, eyes lerrnin diktashun.
 

YouMeWe

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #28 on: October 31, 2018, 11:55:05 PM »


In my house, that's the distinction between stupid and suicidal.
Pleez scoose n e errers, eyes lerrnin diktashun.
 

Jan Hurst-Nicholson

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #29 on: November 05, 2018, 05:09:36 AM »

Non-fiction, Fiction, family saga, humour, short stories, teen, children's
Jan Hurst-Nicholson | author website
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #30 on: November 13, 2018, 06:52:35 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #31 on: November 14, 2018, 04:08:07 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #32 on: November 15, 2018, 09:21:23 PM »
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AGBjI0x9VbM

Worth watching several times!
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Jan Hurst-Nicholson

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #33 on: November 15, 2018, 09:58:25 PM »

Non-fiction, Fiction, family saga, humour, short stories, teen, children's
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #34 on: November 16, 2018, 02:15:20 AM »
Your face will bloom into laughter! grint Grin :icon_mrgreen: :icon_rofl: :hehe

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zfy9VqGzZKE
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 
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dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #35 on: November 16, 2018, 04:48:27 AM »
T: Yes, it's SIMON HAYNES

 ... crickets. Small boy crying.

Didn't Valdemort kill him?
I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

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I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #36 on: November 16, 2018, 04:52:43 AM »
Okay, two videos for this thread. This first one has got to be the funniest scene in the movie The Incredibles 2.

I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

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I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #37 on: November 16, 2018, 04:57:01 AM »
And for the second video, probably the funniest skit from the Carol Burnett show.

I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 
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Jeff Tanyard

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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #39 on: November 22, 2018, 01:28:45 AM »
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #40 on: December 18, 2018, 05:03:59 PM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

notthatamanda

 
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notthatamanda

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #42 on: December 18, 2018, 11:20:26 PM »
Kid's teacher just sent this to me this morning.  I never tried to attach something on a forum before, so fingers crossed.   :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em :banana-riding-llama-smiley-em Parade of earless llamas cause she likes them.

 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #43 on: December 19, 2018, 12:31:08 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #44 on: December 19, 2018, 04:45:05 AM »


Very funny, except his middle name is Richard.
I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #45 on: December 19, 2018, 05:16:28 AM »


Very funny, except his middle name is Richard.

That means he's MR Pence to you.  :hehe
     
 
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Jan Hurst-Nicholson

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #46 on: December 19, 2018, 07:18:39 PM »
Wishing all the Sanctum members well over the festive season and all you wish for yourselves in 2019
(my little dog already has her stocking out in preparation for her gifts  grint)


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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #47 on: December 20, 2018, 01:09:53 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Marti Talbott

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #48 on: December 20, 2018, 01:42:13 PM »
My friend at work brought me a bouquet of dead roses. Said his wife didn't want them anymore.

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #49 on: December 20, 2018, 05:07:54 PM »


What's really funny is that we've fought our way to the top of the food chain only to have a bunch of people telling us we need to become vegetarians.  I'm gonna have a steak and taters dinner tonight just to show my disagreement with them. 

 Grin
I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #50 on: December 21, 2018, 12:03:26 AM »
What's really funny is that we've fought our way to the top of the food chain only to have a bunch of people telling us we need to become vegetarians.  I'm gonna have a steak and taters dinner tonight just to show my disagreement with them. 

 Grin

I'm cool with vegetarians and vegans promoting their way of eating. But I see a lot of posts by militant vegans. The kind who claim it's okay to murder a man who's going to slaughter a cow for food.

Scary.

But I'm going to console myself over breakfast with one of these (I'm 100% carnivore):




"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

spin52

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #51 on: December 21, 2018, 01:49:50 AM »
What's really funny is that we've fought our way to the top of the food chain only to have a bunch of people telling us we need to become vegetarians.  I'm gonna have a steak and taters dinner tonight just to show my disagreement with them. 

 Grin

I'm cool with vegetarians and vegans promoting their way of eating. But I see a lot of posts by militant vegans. The kind who claim it's okay to murder a man who's going to slaughter a cow for food.


Scary.

But I'm going to console myself over breakfast with one of these (I'm 100% carnivore):




There's just been publicity in the UK about vegans who harassed customers buying turkeys for Christmas, claiming the turkeys really wanted to live. My grandmother raised turkeys in the 1920s and said they were the stupidest birds in existence. When it rained, if they weren't brought under cover, they'd stand with their beaks open and drown. Does a bird like that really worry about its possible fate?
     

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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #52 on: December 21, 2018, 03:16:10 AM »
There's just been publicity in the UK about vegans who harassed customers buying turkeys for Christmas, claiming the turkeys really wanted to live. My grandmother raised turkeys in the 1920s and said they were the stupidest birds in existence. When it rained, if they weren't brought under cover, they'd stand with their beaks open and drown. Does a bird like that really worry about its possible fate?

I read about the recent hubbub in the UK. It's surreal.

On a lighter note...



"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #53 on: December 22, 2018, 11:24:05 PM »
You will be genuinely happy when you free your mind and dance like a vagabond gypsy! Season's greetings, fellow travelers! :cheers :band: :lalala :banana: :dance:

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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #54 on: December 26, 2018, 09:49:28 AM »
A soldier's homecoming.
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #55 on: December 31, 2018, 07:07:02 AM »
The Life of a Writer (we should start a new thread just with Snoopy)

I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #56 on: December 31, 2018, 07:15:04 AM »
And one more.

I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #57 on: December 31, 2018, 12:14:49 PM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #58 on: December 31, 2018, 12:33:14 PM »
Everyone's a critic.

 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #59 on: December 31, 2018, 01:30:55 PM »
It's hard to see the dog treats that land right on your forehead.




"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #60 on: December 31, 2018, 02:31:10 PM »
A cliffhanger "ending!"

(Only kidding. She made it, just got a little dusty.)
 

Jan Hurst-Nicholson

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #61 on: December 31, 2018, 08:55:56 PM »

Non-fiction, Fiction, family saga, humour, short stories, teen, children's
Jan Hurst-Nicholson | author website
 

Jan Hurst-Nicholson

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #62 on: December 31, 2018, 08:58:56 PM »

Non-fiction, Fiction, family saga, humour, short stories, teen, children's
Jan Hurst-Nicholson | author website
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #63 on: January 02, 2019, 12:52:35 AM »
!
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #64 on: January 05, 2019, 04:33:39 PM »
A puppy picture for Dan.
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #65 on: January 11, 2019, 06:40:46 AM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Tom Wood

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #66 on: January 11, 2019, 07:09:23 AM »
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #67 on: January 28, 2019, 04:08:52 PM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #68 on: January 28, 2019, 04:44:03 PM »
:-)
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #69 on: January 30, 2019, 04:17:36 PM »
Police have discovered the culprit behind the current Polar Vortex.
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #70 on: February 06, 2019, 10:18:50 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #71 on: February 07, 2019, 07:38:31 AM »
 :hehe
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #72 on: February 10, 2019, 04:01:40 AM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #73 on: February 10, 2019, 07:33:43 PM »


Hahahaha I'll never look at almond milk the same way again! I'm also finding myself wondering now where nut butter comes from  :icon_eek:



« Last Edit: February 10, 2019, 07:48:53 PM by Captain Cranky »
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #74 on: February 11, 2019, 09:06:07 AM »
 :catrun
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #75 on: February 11, 2019, 11:18:24 AM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #76 on: February 13, 2019, 07:41:13 AM »
 

Mark Gardner

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #77 on: February 13, 2019, 11:09:32 AM »
I got a new bed for the dogs:

 

Al Stevens

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #78 on: February 13, 2019, 09:07:29 PM »
The publisher rejected my autobiography. That's the story of my life.
Genres: mystery, music, programming, science fiction, historical fiction


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Al Stevens is a retired author of computer programming books. For fifteen years he was a senior contributing editor and columnist for Dr. Dobb's Journal, a leading magazine for computer programmers. Al lives with his wife Judy and a menagerie of cats on Florida's Space Coast where he writes by day and plays piano, string bass, and saxophone by night.
 
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Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #79 on: February 14, 2019, 03:13:25 AM »
The publisher rejected my autobiography.

Same here.  I self-publish.  :icon_think:
     
 
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Maggie Ann

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #80 on: February 14, 2019, 03:36:32 AM »
The publisher rejected my autobiography. That's the story of my life.

 :icon_rofl:
           
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #81 on: February 14, 2019, 12:44:03 PM »
 

Al Stevens

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #82 on: February 18, 2019, 08:30:00 AM »
Last night, Judy thought I was getting amorous in bed, groping her. I was looking for the remote.
Genres: mystery, music, programming, science fiction, historical fiction


Author Central | Facebook Page | Mailing List Signup | Home Page |

Al Stevens is a retired author of computer programming books. For fifteen years he was a senior contributing editor and columnist for Dr. Dobb's Journal, a leading magazine for computer programmers. Al lives with his wife Judy and a menagerie of cats on Florida's Space Coast where he writes by day and plays piano, string bass, and saxophone by night.
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #83 on: February 19, 2019, 08:12:18 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Laughing Elephant

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #84 on: February 19, 2019, 12:35:08 PM »
Climate Sandwiches:

Morning - snow drops from the heavens.

Afternoon - snowdrops reach up from the earth.

Perhaps the gods fancied a human sandwich
or maybe I stumbled upon a Supernatural set.

 :ices_angel_g:
 

Al Stevens

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #85 on: February 19, 2019, 01:47:14 PM »
I've always had as an objective the ability to type as fast as I can think, which I believe would help me become a more prolific writer. I am here to announce that in my declining years, I have finally realized that goal. Only I still can't type very fast.
Genres: mystery, music, programming, science fiction, historical fiction


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Al Stevens is a retired author of computer programming books. For fifteen years he was a senior contributing editor and columnist for Dr. Dobb's Journal, a leading magazine for computer programmers. Al lives with his wife Judy and a menagerie of cats on Florida's Space Coast where he writes by day and plays piano, string bass, and saxophone by night.
 
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Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #86 on: February 19, 2019, 04:29:22 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #87 on: February 19, 2019, 10:29:52 PM »
     :n2Str17: 
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #88 on: February 20, 2019, 03:22:00 AM »
Ain't nothing funny about this. But if you enjoy steak, you may still smile.




"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #89 on: February 22, 2019, 03:25:11 AM »
Are you an adult?

Are you unsexy?

Good news!  There's a wallet just for you!

https://www.amazon.com/Donalworld-Unsexy-adult-Orange-Leather-Wallet/dp/B00JYZ77UI/
     
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #90 on: February 22, 2019, 04:45:48 AM »
Are you an adult?

Are you unsexy?

Good news!  There's a wallet just for you!

https://www.amazon.com/Donalworld-Unsexy-adult-Orange-Leather-Wallet/dp/B00JYZ77UI/

I. Must. Not. Click. Buy. Button! (I'm breaking out in a cold sweat here. That wallet is so "Me." Unsexy-adult indeed!
I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

catowned

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #91 on: February 22, 2019, 07:23:59 AM »
That wallet is zipless and free of ulterior motives. How can it not be sexy?
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #92 on: February 22, 2019, 07:35:15 AM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 

Maggie Ann

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #93 on: February 23, 2019, 12:45:14 AM »
Got this in an email entitle Adult Truths.

The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

                (Ladies ... Quit Laughing! )
           
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #94 on: February 26, 2019, 09:04:41 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #95 on: February 27, 2019, 11:45:55 AM »
 :catrun     
 
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Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #96 on: February 27, 2019, 10:28:20 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #97 on: February 28, 2019, 02:39:00 PM »
 :Healing:
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #98 on: March 01, 2019, 07:58:56 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #99 on: March 03, 2019, 06:28:32 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #100 on: March 04, 2019, 07:07:06 AM »
 Grin
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #101 on: March 05, 2019, 09:32:49 AM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #102 on: March 11, 2019, 03:50:42 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #103 on: March 13, 2019, 01:20:16 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #104 on: March 13, 2019, 02:29:43 AM »
 Grin
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #105 on: March 14, 2019, 01:00:15 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #106 on: March 14, 2019, 06:00:17 AM »



The cat's grumpy because he can't decide who to murder first, the dog or the human.   :icon_mrgreen:
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Tom Wood

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #107 on: March 14, 2019, 11:26:58 PM »


Happy Pi Day!  :cheers
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #108 on: March 15, 2019, 06:12:27 AM »
Happy Pi Day!  :cheers


I made a Pi Day blog post for anyone who's interested.   :nerd:
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Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #109 on: March 15, 2019, 03:24:22 PM »
I remember reading this years ago, I always thought it was hilariously accurate!

The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #110 on: March 15, 2019, 06:15:01 PM »
I remember that one, too, Captain.  It never gets old.   :icon_rofl:
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Vijaya

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #111 on: March 16, 2019, 05:27:28 AM »
And still I'm a cat person, lol. My poor dog doesn't even know it.

Author of over 60 books and 60 magazine pieces, primarily for children
Vijaya Bodach | Personal Blog | Bodach Books
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #112 on: March 18, 2019, 09:04:06 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #113 on: March 18, 2019, 09:24:25 AM »
And still I'm a cat person, lol. My poor dog doesn't even know it.

Don't move to Connecticut. They wanna tax cats!

https://kicks1055.com/get-ready-connecticut-the-cat-tax-could-be-coming-soon/
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #114 on: March 20, 2019, 01:29:16 PM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #115 on: March 22, 2019, 05:42:17 AM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #116 on: March 22, 2019, 10:02:07 AM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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VisitasKeat

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https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 
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Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #118 on: March 23, 2019, 03:33:12 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #119 on: March 24, 2019, 04:55:15 AM »
 Grin
 

okey dokey

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #120 on: March 24, 2019, 05:37:04 AM »
My preacher friend passed away a few years ago
He liked to recall his days as a young pastor in a small North Carolina town.
Late one night there was a loud knocking on his front door.
It was a young soldier with his young girlfriend.
"Preacher," the soldier said, "I've just got my orders to ship out tomorrow. Will you marry me and my girl tonight?"
But Preacher Justin shook his head.
"I can't do that," he said. "You need a marriage license and then a blood test. This is Friday night and the courthouse will be closed Satuday and Sunday. And it will be the middle of next week before you get the blood test results."
The girl grabbed the soldier's hand. Tears welled up in her eyes.
The soldier turned back to my friend.
"Well Preacher, could you say enough words over us to get us through the night?"

 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #121 on: March 27, 2019, 04:58:13 AM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #122 on: March 27, 2019, 03:28:43 PM »
Grin

Wow! I remember that sign. That DQ is here in Las Vegas, though a few things have changed since this photo was taken. The DQ is now a tea shop and the Sav-On Drugs is now a CVS.
I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #123 on: March 28, 2019, 12:38:46 AM »
Guess the sign didn't really work!
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #124 on: April 02, 2019, 02:58:44 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #125 on: April 05, 2019, 07:10:22 AM »
     
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #126 on: April 05, 2019, 08:40:59 AM »
Well, I want a baby panda now.   :heart:

In the meantime, here's a modern Major-General.   :icon_mrgreen:


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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #128 on: April 09, 2019, 09:11:26 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #129 on: April 11, 2019, 09:52:48 PM »
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #130 on: April 12, 2019, 01:04:00 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #131 on: April 13, 2019, 10:36:15 AM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #132 on: April 14, 2019, 06:05:44 PM »
I found a new title to read.

I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #133 on: April 16, 2019, 12:31:59 PM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #134 on: April 16, 2019, 02:50:28 PM »
The Avengers: Endgame I hope they show.

I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #135 on: April 17, 2019, 03:23:08 AM »
 :icon_rofl: Pink fun at THE DEAD DOG HOTEL!  :icon_rofl:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RzriJpYiGjw
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

okey dokey

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #136 on: April 17, 2019, 04:29:01 AM »
My preacher friend explained that way back when they were translating the Bible into the King James version that paper was hand-made and very expansive. So part of the Creation story was edited.
He said this the real story of the Garden of Eden.

God was taking a much needed rest after six days of very hard work. But then Adam walked up.
"Sorry to bother you God. I've got a problem."
God was perplexed. "I thought I made you nice place in the Garden of Eden."

Adam agreed that the Garden was beautiful and comfortable. There was a nice river for swimming, plenty of tasty fruit, even an apple tree.

He sighed. "But God, I'm very lonely there. I need someone to share life with me. Could you make me a help-mate?"

God scratched his head. "You're right," God said. "You shouldn't have to live alone. I can make you a woman. She'll be perfect in every way. She'll bear your children. But she won't ask you to change the diapers. She'll take care of the 3 am feedings. She'll be perfect.
The woman will do all the house cleaning and dish washing with a smile on her face. Why, she won't fuss even if you stay out all night.
She'll be perfect."

Adam smiled from ear to ear. "That's great, God. Thank you.

God held up his hand. "But it's going to be lot of work and trouble to make a perfect woman. So it's going to cost you."

"That's only fair," Adam agreed. "After all, she'll be perfect. So what will it cost me?'
"An arm and a leg."
Adam was taken aback. "I know it'll take a lot of work for a perfect woman. But an arm and a leg? Wow!'

Adam started to walk away, but turned back.
"God? What could I get for, say, just a rib?"



 

Tom Wood

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #137 on: April 17, 2019, 08:30:56 AM »
If you've never seen the movie The Emperor's New Groove, you are missing a treat. If you have, the extracted dialogue for Yzma at IMDB is fun to revisit:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120917/characters/nm0457755
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #138 on: April 21, 2019, 05:37:22 AM »
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Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #139 on: April 21, 2019, 05:54:54 AM »


The scenes come from Buffalo Rider (1978).  If the comments on the YouTube video are correct, the cougar scene was unscripted but the cameraman kept filming anyway.
     
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #140 on: April 21, 2019, 06:01:52 AM »


This song even mentions reading.

Also, for those that remember the original video coming out, the girl is 36 years old now.
     
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #141 on: April 24, 2019, 03:55:43 PM »



I'm all for allowing business owners to discriminate. Their house, their rules.

But this "gender surcharge" seems like a bad business decision. lol
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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TimothyEllis

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #142 on: April 26, 2019, 02:56:33 PM »
This question keeps popping up on Quora:

Why didn't the Nazis use the channel tunnel to invade Britain?

 :dizzy :shrug :hehe

100+ answers.

https://www.quora.com/Why-didnt-the-Nazis-use-the-channel-tunnel-to-invade-Britain
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #143 on: May 11, 2019, 04:02:00 AM »
Three syringes were found inside the inmate’s rectum. Not mine, he said.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article224069680.html
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #144 on: May 11, 2019, 06:07:21 AM »
Three syringes were found inside the inmate’s rectum. Not mine, he said.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article224069680.html


Florida Man always delivers the lulz.   :icon_mrgreen:

Florida Woman isn't quite as prolific, but she sometimes delivers, too:

Florida Woman Pulls Alligator out of Pants During Traffic Stop
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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #145 on: May 11, 2019, 02:46:41 PM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #146 on: May 16, 2019, 05:08:06 PM »
Will I become a bestselling author someday?
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #147 on: May 16, 2019, 05:49:12 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 

Laughing Elephant

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #148 on: May 20, 2019, 01:29:36 AM »
.

On my usual Sunday stroll, I saw something unusual:

On a public verge banked high, circles of daffodils bowing down to swaying tulips - nothing but buttercups and daisies are the usual sights for this particular area.

It made me smile.

Of course, I'm thinking fairies decided to create some new homes for their elders because the human shops are closer and everyone knows fairies love shopping even more than the Kardashians. *.*


 grint
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #149 on: June 11, 2019, 03:52:25 AM »
If this doesn't make you smile, you may be dead inside...




"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Vijaya

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #150 on: June 12, 2019, 01:03:33 AM »
Aw, sweet. Glad to see I'm not dead yet :)

Author of over 60 books and 60 magazine pieces, primarily for children
Vijaya Bodach | Personal Blog | Bodach Books
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #151 on: June 18, 2019, 07:35:34 AM »
 :hehe
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #152 on: June 28, 2019, 04:55:49 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #153 on: July 08, 2019, 02:25:49 PM »
Eagle who decided to rear its baby hawk dinner instead of eat it.

 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #154 on: July 08, 2019, 05:43:10 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 

notthatamanda

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #155 on: July 12, 2019, 11:24:40 PM »
Starting curtains today.  Scissors better be sharp.
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #156 on: July 25, 2019, 02:11:01 PM »
The Presidential Seal displayed behind the President yesterday at a conservative summit had the two-headed bird of the Russian State Seal instead of the American eagle, and, was clutching golf clubs instead of arrows.
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #157 on: July 25, 2019, 02:29:56 PM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #158 on: July 29, 2019, 03:16:14 AM »



There are better ways to abbreviate "assorted" (asstd.).

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #159 on: July 29, 2019, 09:39:54 AM »
There are better ways to abbreviate "assorted" (asstd.).

As well as space on the sign for those better ways.
     
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #160 on: July 29, 2019, 02:52:22 PM »



There are better ways to abbreviate "assorted" (asstd.).

It certainly creates a strong visual for the term sh*@#ing bricks doesn't it?  :icon_rofl:
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #161 on: July 29, 2019, 05:31:00 PM »
It certainly creates a strong visual for the term sh*@#ing bricks doesn't it?  :icon_rofl:


 :littleclap   :icon_rofl:
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #162 on: August 01, 2019, 02:09:32 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #163 on: August 01, 2019, 02:39:16 PM »
I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #164 on: August 02, 2019, 04:03:57 AM »
Product (on Amazon):




Review (click the image to enlarge it):





"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #165 on: August 02, 2019, 10:07:12 PM »
When plants become your pets!


https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #166 on: August 03, 2019, 01:15:53 AM »
When plants become your pets!

You know, I think I want to make something like that for books.  It will go on the cover and display a sad face when you're not reading it.  Also, it will be one more thing you'll need to change batteries in, as if you don't have enough of those already.  Or, it will be rechargeable, which means another thing to recharge, as if you don't have enough of those already.  Plus, in that latter case, it will probably be a lithium-ion battery which is one more thing that can explode and catch fire and, being that it's on a book cover which is a paper product, that fire is going to have some good fuel to get going.  But, no need to worry because embedded inside the back cover of the book will be a stone slab with a sad face emoticon engraved on it.  So, when the fire inspector goes through the scorched ashes of your home, he (or she) will crouch down over this stone slab, dust off the ashes from the book, spot the sad face emoticon and nod knowingly.  So, even at the end, the book will display the appropriate emoji and that's, like totally, the most important thing EVAH in this day and age.
     
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #167 on: August 03, 2019, 02:24:33 AM »



"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #168 on: August 04, 2019, 12:38:36 AM »
When plants become your pets!

You know, I think I want to make something like that for books.  It will go on the cover and display a sad face when you're not reading it.  Also, it will be one more thing you'll need to change batteries in, as if you don't have enough of those already.  Or, it will be rechargeable, which means another thing to recharge, as if you don't have enough of those already.  Plus, in that latter case, it will probably be a lithium-ion battery which is one more thing that can explode and catch fire and, being that it's on a book cover which is a paper product, that fire is going to have some good fuel to get going.  But, no need to worry because embedded inside the back cover of the book will be a stone slab with a sad face emoticon engraved on it.  So, when the fire inspector goes through the scorched ashes of your home, he (or she) will crouch down over this stone slab, dust off the ashes from the book, spot the sad face emoticon and nod knowingly.  So, even at the end, the book will display the appropriate emoji and that's, like totally, the most important thing EVAH in this day and age.
We can have 'Smartcover' option for books in addition to Hardcover, Paperback, and Kindle editions. Possibly, the cover image for the book can exhibit simple gif animations. :cheers
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #169 on: August 04, 2019, 05:39:30 AM »
When plants become your pets!

You know, I think I want to make something like that for books.  It will go on the cover and display a sad face when you're not reading it.  Also, it will be one more thing you'll need to change batteries in, as if you don't have enough of those already.  Or, it will be rechargeable, which means another thing to recharge, as if you don't have enough of those already.  Plus, in that latter case, it will probably be a lithium-ion battery which is one more thing that can explode and catch fire and, being that it's on a book cover which is a paper product, that fire is going to have some good fuel to get going.  But, no need to worry because embedded inside the back cover of the book will be a stone slab with a sad face emoticon engraved on it.  So, when the fire inspector goes through the scorched ashes of your home, he (or she) will crouch down over this stone slab, dust off the ashes from the book, spot the sad face emoticon and nod knowingly.  So, even at the end, the book will display the appropriate emoji and that's, like totally, the most important thing EVAH in this day and age.


Instead of stone, make it out of bronze.  That'll give the archaeologists of the future something to think about.   :icon_mrgreen:
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #170 on: August 15, 2019, 12:16:29 AM »
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #171 on: August 16, 2019, 01:40:03 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #172 on: August 20, 2019, 01:28:24 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #173 on: August 20, 2019, 06:40:44 AM »



Bud Light presents... Real Men of Genius.   :icon_mrgreen:
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #174 on: August 20, 2019, 01:09:10 PM »
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #175 on: August 20, 2019, 08:08:06 PM »
World Laziness Day!

I'm not sure why, but this brought to mind the words of wisdom from Lawrence in Office Space:

Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do sh*t.
I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

Dave's Amazon Author page | DGlennCasey.com | TheDailyPainter.com
I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name? Rose. Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #176 on: August 21, 2019, 05:44:15 AM »
https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/cswowm/who_needs_a_gym_membership_when_you_can/

I don't know what the hell he's saying, but I still want to have a beer with him.
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #177 on: August 23, 2019, 02:26:24 AM »
Joke:

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.





"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #178 on: August 25, 2019, 01:51:03 AM »
Joke:

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".




"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Tom Wood

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #179 on: August 26, 2019, 02:39:04 AM »
Star Wars Cats!

 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #180 on: August 27, 2019, 09:06:32 AM »
Joke:

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.





"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #181 on: September 02, 2019, 04:12:33 PM »
Germany apologizes to Poland:



 :clap: :tup3b :Tup2:
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #182 on: September 10, 2019, 09:36:30 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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notthatamanda

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #183 on: September 10, 2019, 09:45:37 AM »
 
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #184 on: September 10, 2019, 03:14:56 PM »
 :icon_rofl: Funny final scene from Demolition Man!  :icon_rofl:



 
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"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #185 on: September 10, 2019, 03:31:08 PM »
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Anarchist

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #186 on: September 11, 2019, 03:04:14 AM »
C'mon, dude. Less anger, more situational awareness.




"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #187 on: September 12, 2019, 07:04:21 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.