Author Topic: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread  (Read 5319 times)

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #100 on: March 04, 2019, 07:07:06 AM »
 Grin
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #101 on: March 05, 2019, 09:32:49 AM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #102 on: March 11, 2019, 03:50:42 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #103 on: March 13, 2019, 01:20:16 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #104 on: March 13, 2019, 02:29:43 AM »
 Grin
 

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #105 on: March 14, 2019, 01:00:15 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #106 on: March 14, 2019, 06:00:17 AM »



The cat's grumpy because he can't decide who to murder first, the dog or the human.   :icon_mrgreen:
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Tom Wood

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #107 on: March 14, 2019, 11:26:58 PM »


Happy Pi Day!  :cheers
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #108 on: March 15, 2019, 06:12:27 AM »
Happy Pi Day!  :cheers


I made a Pi Day blog post for anyone who's interested.   :nerd:
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Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #109 on: March 15, 2019, 03:24:22 PM »
I remember reading this years ago, I always thought it was hilariously accurate!

The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #110 on: March 15, 2019, 06:15:01 PM »
I remember that one, too, Captain.  It never gets old.   :icon_rofl:
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Vijaya

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #111 on: March 16, 2019, 05:27:28 AM »
And still I'm a cat person, lol. My poor dog doesn't even know it.

Author of over 60 books and 60 magazine pieces, primarily for children
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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #112 on: March 18, 2019, 09:04:06 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #113 on: March 18, 2019, 09:24:25 AM »
And still I'm a cat person, lol. My poor dog doesn't even know it.

Don't move to Connecticut. They wanna tax cats!

https://kicks1055.com/get-ready-connecticut-the-cat-tax-could-be-coming-soon/
 

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #114 on: March 20, 2019, 01:29:16 PM »
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #115 on: March 22, 2019, 05:42:17 AM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #116 on: March 22, 2019, 10:02:07 AM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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VisitasKeat

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Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #118 on: March 23, 2019, 03:33:12 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 

Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #119 on: March 24, 2019, 04:55:15 AM »
 Grin
 

okey dokey

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #120 on: March 24, 2019, 05:37:04 AM »
My preacher friend passed away a few years ago
He liked to recall his days as a young pastor in a small North Carolina town.
Late one night there was a loud knocking on his front door.
It was a young soldier with his young girlfriend.
"Preacher," the soldier said, "I've just got my orders to ship out tomorrow. Will you marry me and my girl tonight?"
But Preacher Justin shook his head.
"I can't do that," he said. "You need a marriage license and then a blood test. This is Friday night and the courthouse will be closed Satuday and Sunday. And it will be the middle of next week before you get the blood test results."
The girl grabbed the soldier's hand. Tears welled up in her eyes.
The soldier turned back to my friend.
"Well Preacher, could you say enough words over us to get us through the night?"

 

Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #121 on: March 27, 2019, 04:58:13 AM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #122 on: March 27, 2019, 03:28:43 PM »
Grin

Wow! I remember that sign. That DQ is here in Las Vegas, though a few things have changed since this photo was taken. The DQ is now a tea shop and the Sav-On Drugs is now a CVS.
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #123 on: March 28, 2019, 12:38:46 AM »
Guess the sign didn't really work!
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #124 on: April 02, 2019, 02:58:44 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #125 on: April 05, 2019, 07:10:22 AM »
     
 
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Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #126 on: April 05, 2019, 08:40:59 AM »
Well, I want a baby panda now.   :heart:

In the meantime, here's a modern Major-General.   :icon_mrgreen:


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Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #128 on: April 09, 2019, 09:11:26 AM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #129 on: April 11, 2019, 09:52:48 PM »
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #130 on: April 12, 2019, 01:04:00 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 
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Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #131 on: April 13, 2019, 10:36:15 AM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 

dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #132 on: April 14, 2019, 06:05:44 PM »
I found a new title to read.

All available at Amazon, some available at B&N and some available God knows where
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Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #133 on: April 16, 2019, 12:31:59 PM »


"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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dgcasey

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #134 on: April 16, 2019, 02:50:28 PM »
The Avengers: Endgame I hope they show.

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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #135 on: April 17, 2019, 03:23:08 AM »
 :icon_rofl: Pink fun at THE DEAD DOG HOTEL!  :icon_rofl:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RzriJpYiGjw
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"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

okey dokey

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #136 on: April 17, 2019, 04:29:01 AM »
My preacher friend explained that way back when they were translating the Bible into the King James version that paper was hand-made and very expansive. So part of the Creation story was edited.
He said this the real story of the Garden of Eden.

God was taking a much needed rest after six days of very hard work. But then Adam walked up.
"Sorry to bother you God. I've got a problem."
God was perplexed. "I thought I made you nice place in the Garden of Eden."

Adam agreed that the Garden was beautiful and comfortable. There was a nice river for swimming, plenty of tasty fruit, even an apple tree.

He sighed. "But God, I'm very lonely there. I need someone to share life with me. Could you make me a help-mate?"

God scratched his head. "You're right," God said. "You shouldn't have to live alone. I can make you a woman. She'll be perfect in every way. She'll bear your children. But she won't ask you to change the diapers. She'll take care of the 3 am feedings. She'll be perfect.
The woman will do all the house cleaning and dish washing with a smile on her face. Why, she won't fuss even if you stay out all night.
She'll be perfect."

Adam smiled from ear to ear. "That's great, God. Thank you.

God held up his hand. "But it's going to be lot of work and trouble to make a perfect woman. So it's going to cost you."

"That's only fair," Adam agreed. "After all, she'll be perfect. So what will it cost me?'
"An arm and a leg."
Adam was taken aback. "I know it'll take a lot of work for a perfect woman. But an arm and a leg? Wow!'

Adam started to walk away, but turned back.
"God? What could I get for, say, just a rib?"



 

Tom Wood

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #137 on: April 17, 2019, 08:30:56 AM »
If you've never seen the movie The Emperor's New Groove, you are missing a treat. If you have, the extracted dialogue for Yzma at IMDB is fun to revisit:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120917/characters/nm0457755
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #138 on: April 21, 2019, 05:37:22 AM »
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Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #139 on: April 21, 2019, 05:54:54 AM »


The scenes come from Buffalo Rider (1978).  If the comments on the YouTube video are correct, the cougar scene was unscripted but the cameraman kept filming anyway.
     
 

Eclectic Dan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #140 on: April 21, 2019, 06:01:52 AM »


This song even mentions reading.

Also, for those that remember the original video coming out, the girl is 36 years old now.
     
 
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Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #141 on: April 24, 2019, 03:55:43 PM »



I'm all for allowing business owners to discriminate. Their house, their rules.

But this "gender surcharge" seems like a bad business decision. lol
"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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TimothyEllis

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #142 on: April 26, 2019, 02:56:33 PM »
This question keeps popping up on Quora:

Why didn't the Nazis use the channel tunnel to invade Britain?

 :dizzy :shrug :hehe

100+ answers.

https://www.quora.com/Why-didnt-the-Nazis-use-the-channel-tunnel-to-invade-Britain
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Mammasan

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #143 on: May 11, 2019, 04:02:00 AM »
Three syringes were found inside the inmate’s rectum. Not mine, he said.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article224069680.html
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #144 on: May 11, 2019, 06:07:21 AM »
Three syringes were found inside the inmate’s rectum. Not mine, he said.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article224069680.html


Florida Man always delivers the lulz.   :icon_mrgreen:

Florida Woman isn't quite as prolific, but she sometimes delivers, too:

Florida Woman Pulls Alligator out of Pants During Traffic Stop
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Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #145 on: May 11, 2019, 02:46:41 PM »

"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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VisitasKeat

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #146 on: May 16, 2019, 05:08:06 PM »
Will I become a bestselling author someday?
https://www.amazon.com/author/roxiepowers

"Whenever you sight a rainbow bridge, remember, my beloveds, there exists a magic mirror."
 

Captain Cranky

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #147 on: May 16, 2019, 05:49:12 PM »
.
Just keep your head down and keep on swinging.
 

Laughing Elephant

Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #148 on: May 20, 2019, 01:29:36 AM »
.

On my usual Sunday stroll, I saw something unusual:

On a public verge banked high, circles of daffodils bowing down to swaying tulips - nothing but buttercups and daisies are the usual sights for this particular area.

It made me smile.

Of course, I'm thinking fairies decided to create some new homes for their elders because the human shops are closer and everyone knows fairies love shopping even more than the Kardashians. *.*


 grint
 

Anarchist

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Re: Make Your Fellow Board Members Smile Thread
« Reply #149 on: June 11, 2019, 03:52:25 AM »
If this doesn't make you smile, you may be dead inside...




"If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized." - Lysander Spooner

I keep a stiff upper lip and shoot from the hip. - AC/DC
 
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