Author Topic: Funny examples of cheapness?  (Read 425 times)

Vidya

Funny examples of cheapness?
« on: December 22, 2019, 02:56:11 AM »

Im drawing a humorous cheapskate and I have some examples of her cheapness such as that she uses expired creams and medications and cant bear to throw anything out in case it comes in of use someday.

I thought Id collect some more. Does anyone have any suggestions of examples of cheapness?
 

Jeff Tanyard

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2019, 08:00:58 AM »
Have the person wash and reuse disposable things like aluminum foil and paper plates.  Have her take home all the extra bread sticks from the Olive Garden, wrapped up in napkins and stuffed in her purse.  Have her park as close to the entrance of a parking lot as possible in order to save gas.  Have her shave her head and wear a wig in order to save money on shampoo and haircuts.

I'm not sure how "humorous" these are, but there you go.
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Shoe

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2019, 08:09:15 AM »
You might have some luck mining Jeff Foxworthy quotes like this one:

Quote
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Change "redneck" to "cheap".
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Lynn

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2019, 09:00:03 AM »
Well, I use my Cool Whip bowls for the cat food, but hey, whatever works! :D

I do not reuse coffee grounds but I do know of people who do. That's too cheap even for me. :D

I refill my water bottles with tap water, which sounds like a WTF kind of thing to do, but I use the bottled water only when the water softer screws up my well water. Or the power goes out. Well water doesn't work without electricity to run the well pump! I like having the bottles nearby when I'm writing because I don't have to worry about accidental spills if I bump them. Which happens more often than you'd think when you can't sit still for long. :)

Who washes Ziploc bags? Come on, somebody does, I know it. I just washed one yesterday, and I really don't usually do that, but it had fresh lettuce in it for like half an hour and I thought what the heck, I could use that for the steaks I needed to toss in the freezer! :D

Cheap or frugal or doing a little something to reduce my plastic usage. I can't live without plastic, so this is about the best I can do to help. ;-)
 
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Jessica

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2019, 09:14:45 AM »
Dumpster diving could be something to get your character in (funny and not so funny) trouble.
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123mlh

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2019, 09:28:21 AM »
My great -grandma who grew up during the Depression re-used wrapping paper and washed out plastic baggies to reuse as well.
 
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Maggie Ann

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2019, 10:04:36 AM »
Well, I use my Cool Whip bowls for the cat food, but hey, whatever works! :D

I do not reuse coffee grounds but I do know of people who do. That's too cheap even for me. :D

I refill my water bottles with tap water, which sounds like a WTF kind of thing to do, but I use the bottled water only when the water softer screws up my well water. Or the power goes out. Well water doesn't work without electricity to run the well pump! I like having the bottles nearby when I'm writing because I don't have to worry about accidental spills if I bump them. Which happens more often than you'd think when you can't sit still for long. :)

Who washes Ziploc bags? Come on, somebody does, I know it. I just washed one yesterday, and I really don't usually do that, but it had fresh lettuce in it for like half an hour and I thought what the heck, I could use that for the steaks I needed to toss in the freezer! :D

Cheap or frugal or doing a little something to reduce my plastic usage. I can't live without plastic, so this is about the best I can do to help. ;-)

I don't eat Cool Whip, but I do fill my water bottles with tap water or filtered water from the fridge because, yes, I'm cheap.

And I do reuse plastic bags, at least the ones I freeze bread and rolls in. I hang them on the knobs of my cabinets to dry. I always take advantage of free or deep discounts. I even take advantage of Goodwill's discount days and color of the week 50% off.

I used to work with a guy who bought day old meat from Winn Dixie. As soon as it was marked down because it hit the last sell-by day, he'd buy it.

           
 
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JRTomlin

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2019, 10:39:52 AM »

Im drawing a humorous cheapskate and I have some examples of her cheapness such as that she uses expired creams and medications and cant bear to throw anything out in case it comes in of use someday.

I thought Id collect some more. Does anyone have any suggestions of examples of cheapness?
Not throwing anything out sounds more like hoarding than cheapness. I might skip that one.

I knew someone who bought cheap box wine and poured it into a bottle from an expensive wine for when he had company. He swore no one ever noticed the difference. (That is believable actually.) I know someone who reuses teabags. (Ewwww) I've known people who go to the Goodwill Store instead of buying new. You might have her make toast one slice at a time because one side of the toaster is broken but the other side still works. (Read that one somewhere and thought it was funny) She could ask for a discount in stores. (I knew someone who did that and surprisingly enough sometimes a store would give her one)

It sounds like all my friends are cheap. They aren't. Really. lol

ETA: I started refilling my water bottles when I realised that bottled is no better than filtered water from my tap. I'm not particularly cheap but I don't like being ripped off either.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2019, 10:44:54 AM by JRTomlin »
 
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Vidya

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2019, 11:22:56 AM »
Thanks, everyone. Her cheapness ruins all romantic relationships. Eg, when one guy gives her an expensive box of chocolates, she says she appreciates it, but he needs to be more careful with money. A cheaper box would have done fine.

What else could she say and do with partners that could put them off until she learns better?
 

Maggie Ann

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2019, 01:03:20 PM »
She finds ways to reuse pizza boxes and washes paper cups for reuse. She makes one cup of coffee in the morning, adding water and reheating throughout the day. My Mom did that in her later years.

I used to reuse teabags but only one extra time. My mother had a friend that used the same teabag all day, even for company.
           
 
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Simon Haynes

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2019, 01:58:05 PM »
She could ask to take the rest of the meal home when they go on a date to a decent restaurant. Then there's the added humour of spilling it all over him (or the car).

 
 
 

 
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Lynn

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2019, 02:06:09 PM »
A zippie bag of home popped popcorn at the movies. She knows she's found her man when she hands him the bag and his eyes light with appreciation. Then he suggests they don't bother with the theater for the next movie because it's cheaper to rent and stay home. ;D
 
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j tanner

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2019, 03:01:07 PM »
A friend of my parked his car under a city tree for months because a branch looked like it was going to fall, and he wanted the settlement from the city in exchange for the dent. And it eventually worked!

Not tipping is a good source of relationship tension, but not that funny unless you can work it into some good banter.
 
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123mlh

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2019, 12:22:13 AM »
A zippie bag of home popped popcorn at the movies. She knows she's found her man when she hands him the bag and his eyes light with appreciation. Then he suggests they don't bother with the theater for the next movie because it's cheaper to rent and stay home. ;D

After I saw the further clarification above about the purpose for these, this is where my thoughts went too. Rather than her learn to be more materialistic to find love, if I were reading that novel I'd want her to find her soul mate in a man who appreciated her for being as thrifty as he is. And have him be a millionaire to boot so that all her sisters and mom who were telling her she'd never find a good man by being so cheap can get their comeuppance.
 
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LilyBLily

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #14 on: December 23, 2019, 02:24:00 AM »
A zippie bag of home popped popcorn at the movies. She knows she's found her man when she hands him the bag and his eyes light with appreciation. Then he suggests they don't bother with the theater for the next movie because it's cheaper to rent and stay home. ;D

After I saw the further clarification above about the purpose for these, this is where my thoughts went too. Rather than her learn to be more materialistic to find love, if I were reading that novel I'd want her to find her soul mate in a man who appreciated her for being as thrifty as he is. And have him be a millionaire to boot so that all her sisters and mom who were telling her she'd never find a good man by being so cheap can get their comeuppance.

I prefer this one.

I could list many, many thrifty behaviors I have seen, but they were all done by people I know who basically do not have enough money to sustain the middle-class life their education and background seemingly suits them to. The man ordering a free cup of hot water in a restaurant and bringing his own tea bag, for instance, had spent money he could ill afford on a plane ticket to his friend's wedding. He had no budget left to pay for extras at the rehearsal dinner. I think he slept on their living room floor. So there is a fine line between cheapness and poverty. As my mother used to say, even soap costs money. I wouldn't laugh at anyone for saving slivers of soap and carefully using them up.     
 
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Lick Darsey

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #15 on: December 23, 2019, 03:17:12 AM »
Years ago, when I was in high school, my dad used to subscribe to a newsletter called the Tightwad Gazette. It was a monthly newsletter that came in the mail. One day he handed me a copy of the newsletter, a roll of toilet paper and an empty toilet paper roll. After skimming the newsletter I realized what I was supposed to do. He wanted me to split the two-ply toilet paper into two separate rolls. I tried. He laughed.

I haven't checked but I'd be willing to bet the Tightwad Gazette is still around. Or at least some version of it online.
 
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VanessaC

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #16 on: December 23, 2019, 03:19:39 AM »
I agree with LilyBLily that quite a few of the thrifty things I've heard people do are more relating to being genuinely hard up for cash - like cutting one laddered leg off two pairs of tights so you get one complete pair, or reusing tea bags (which has come up already), or buying up shampoos, etc, on discount, going to cash-and-carry for a year's worth of toilet rolls. That kind of thing.

I did once work with someone who was very well off and still drove a 20 year old car, and not the classic type - think very battered, long past its best. I genuinely don't think he saw any need to change it - it still worked. (This reminds me so much of my dad - it still works!)

That said, something that might fit, and which I think is quite funny - an anecdote many years ago from a former work colleague: round at someone's house for dinner, the hostess brings out coffee after the dinner in a big cafetiere, waits for it to brew, depresses the plunger, and then, when coffee is poured, announces to the room that the coffee is in fact instant ...


 
     
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Shoe

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #17 on: December 23, 2019, 03:35:46 AM »
I'm now thinking if being cheap equates with being poor it might be tough injecting humor. But if the heroine is extremely well off, her being extremely stingy, and in shocking ways, could be hilarious, especially vis-a-vis the hero.
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Gerri Attrick

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #18 on: December 23, 2019, 05:14:12 AM »
I'm trying to think of examples of what look like cheapness, but are, in fact, the opposite. It's late here and i'm tired, but one that occurs:

In the days when home freezers first became available, my then fiance's mother bought butter by the case in order to freeze it. It does not freeze well, but she was a Yorkshire woman, and liked to think she was canny. She was a perfect example of the phrase, someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. (In this instance, she saved money on buying butter by the case, but ended up having to throw most of it away once it had defrosted). Perhaps something could be made of that?
 
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Lynn

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #19 on: December 23, 2019, 05:30:31 AM »
The funny bits of being cheap are the bits that come from the idea of paying a fortune to save a dime. :D

Such as the old standby, driving all over the county looking for the cheapest gas station to save .01 cent on a gallon of gasoline, when the driver is probably burning fuel at a rate that far exceeds the saved .01 a gallon.




 
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Vidya

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #20 on: December 23, 2019, 01:20:06 PM »
Thanks, everyone. Im thinking it would go:

her friends want to show her how cheapness can put off a romantic partner, so they hire a guy to ask her out and act even more cheap than her, to repel her..

During the date he tells her her friends set them up because they knew hes looking for a non-materialistic woman who knows the value of money. He boasts about how cheap he is and they spend the date trying to one up each other, citing the examples given in this thread.

I reuse tea bags twice, she tells him.

I reuse tea bags, plus coffee grounds, he counters. I also wash and reuse Ziploc bags.

She gazes at him admiringly. So youre reducing your plastic usage too. Being cheap helps the environment. Why cant people see that?

And on and on.

by the end of the date, shes convinced shes met her soulmate.

Horrified it went so well, her friends tell him he must act obnoxious to put her off.

So during their next date, he puts a hair in his food and makes a fuss and calls the manager of the restaurant and demands the meal be fee.

Then he boasts to her hes done this a dozen times.

shes revolted. shes cheap, but not a cheat.

Then she finds out what her friends did.

shes mad at them and goes to confront the guy and chew him out. But while shes yelling at him, the sparks fly and she realizes theres something there and they end up seeing each other for real.

What do you think? I know I can get some funny scenes out of this. Can you think of any other funny interactions between the two?

And yes, ill definitely use the examples given so far in this thread. theyll come in useful when I write out all their boasting to each other.
 

VisitasKeat

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Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #21 on: December 23, 2019, 01:48:52 PM »
Using unopened toilet roll pack because she ran out of kitchen papers or dinner napkins - the ethics of it.

Stealing petty office supplies like stapler pins and ballpoint pens and A4 papers. In fact, using discarded print papers - the backside - for WIP if she is also an author. Also add stealing toilet papers at office - just unrolls a lot of sheets and stashes them inside her blouse.

Stealing paper plates and plastic cups during office meetings and birthday parties.

Eating cake spills - the top part - which had fallen on the carpet at parties. Add discarded cigars on alleys.

Lying alongside a biker who crashed into a tree, and seducing him and plotting with him to claim reimbursement.  Faking wounds and so on.

Reusing frying oil - how many times? - to the extent that the taste of the dish changes and she justifying it.

Using coffee powder lumps as lizard repellant.

Breaks button on shirt but staples it and goes for the date.

Borrows books and CDs from friends but never returns to them.

Eats raw fruits veggies instead of cooking them, thereby saving power and oil.

Uses only the same bulb for all rooms. In fact, carries and fixes them every time.

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cdk

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #22 on: January 06, 2020, 11:31:40 AM »
My mother was the most frugal person I've ever known.  Her father died when she was young and she grew up during the depression and a lot of examples in this thread are things my mother did routinely.  Even though she could eventually afford better, it was a mindset that stayed with her all of her life.

Things that people do that may seem to be cheap to some folks, are a way of life for people living at or near the poverty level.  To me, to qualify as cheap, the person has to be able to afford better, but consciously makes the decision not to spend anything in excess of what's absolutely necessary.

That said, the way that you've setup the scene in an earlier post is cute.

My 2 examples of cheapness of real people to add to the list:

1. An attorney whose Christmas gift to a friend was a coupon for 20% off at a restaurant with a $200 minimum, and the restaurant was at least 50 miles from where the friend lived.

2. An attorney took a vacation on a freighter cruise.  Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like.  Instead of the Disney and Carnival luxury cruises advertised on TV, ships transporting freight have several cabins available that can be booked by passengers.
« Last Edit: January 06, 2020, 11:38:12 AM by cdk »
 
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dgcasey

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Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #23 on: January 07, 2020, 06:04:36 AM »
Sometimes I have to wonder though. Is there a difference between cheap and frugal? The example that comes to my mind is Sam Walton, the man behind Walmart. He could have driven any car he wanted, but he chose to drive a 1979 Ford F-150 pickup. He bought it new and drove it until he died in 1992. He had no need for a $100,000 car. I'm pretty much the same way. I've never bought a brand new car and don't see myself ever doing it. The car I'm driving right now is a 2016 Kia Soul, that I bought last year. I'll probably drive it until the wheels fall off. I don't consider it cheap. I consider it having the car that suits my purposes and not wasting money on a new car that I don't really need.
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Shoe

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #24 on: January 07, 2020, 06:11:47 AM »
Sometimes I have to wonder though. Is there a difference between cheap and frugal?

It could be you're considered cheap if you're frugal and don't need to be.
Publishing since May 2017. Writing full time since January 2018 general fiction and satire.
 

Lynn

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #25 on: January 07, 2020, 09:56:48 AM »
Actually I do think there's a difference between frugal and cheap.

Cheap is trying to save money at the expense of others in a way that shows selfishness or an unseemly level of self-interest. In my opinion. :D
 

Shoe

Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #26 on: January 07, 2020, 10:17:02 AM »

Cheap is trying to save money at the expense of others in a way that shows selfishness or an unseemly level of self-interest. In my opinion. :D

I think they're also called a*sholes.
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Al Stevens

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Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #27 on: January 07, 2020, 10:53:11 AM »
Humor in cheapness can be shown by the comments of other characters.

"He's so cheap..."

"...he wouldn't spend a nickel to see a p1ss-ant eat a bale of hay."
"...he wouldn't spend a nickel to see the Statue of LIberty take a dump."
"...he'd order McDonalds into the White House."
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dgcasey

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Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #28 on: January 07, 2020, 03:18:12 PM »
"...he'd order McDonalds into the White House."

So would I. I'd take the freakin' motorcade through the drive-thru.   grint
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Ace Fletcher

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Re: Funny examples of cheapness?
« Reply #29 on: January 07, 2020, 11:28:07 PM »
Adding to what others have posted upthread about the toilet paper and paper plates:
She carries a large purse and takes the extra toilet paper rolls from public restrooms.
Also, takes plastic forks, spoons, and knives from fast food places to use later when they go on a picnic. The ketchup & mayo packets too.
This behavior could lead to a debate about what is considered to be petty theft vs. Just taking one extra thing.
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