Learning to write with distractions

[brian457392]

Those of you who used to need solitude to write, but found a way past that - do you have any advice for someone who needs to learn to write around people/distractions?

I have always needed to be alone to write. Someone else in the room, even if they are being quiet, is too much of a distraction for me to do any serious writing. It stops me from getting into a flow. (I have heard this explained as the "potential for interaction" being the distracting thing, which makes sense to me).

Noise is generally ok, as long is it isn't words. Traffic or building noises outside the house I can deal with. Music without lyrics is fine, but I prefer without.

I have a 3 year old, and new baby due in January. We have moved to a smaller house so I no longer have my own office space.

I will generally need to write after the kids are asleep, when my wife is in the same room as me. I do not like wearing headphones while writing. I find noise cancelling headphones more distracting, because I'm less aware of my surroundings. My wife comes up to ask me something and scares the sh!t out of me  I would also like to be able to write in cafes/libraries if the need arose.

I'm sure I can learn to get past this. When I've head deadlines in the past I've been able to work with my wife in the room no problem. The deadline stress took precedence. This suggests to me that my need for solitude is just a habit or learned behaviour/reaction, and so should be surmountable.

My plan is just to stick in and practice writing around the distractions as best I can, but any further pointers would be greatly appreciated.

[Simon Haynes]

After my kids were born, and until they started school, I used to write 500 words at work each day in my lunch break. I'd take the car, park in a shopping centre and write on a Palm Treo mobile phone.

[VanessaC]

Oddly, I find the more people who are around me, the easier it is to focus - I would find it incredibly hard to write with only one or two other people near me, and have no idea how people manage with a busy family life around them! I know of one writer who writes long-hand on the sofa whilst chaotic family life takes place around her. Have no idea how she does it!

I actually really like writing in coffee shops for a change of scene - I find I can tune out the bustle around me, and get on with the words.

However, in a lower-distraction environment, even working at home on my own, I find that headphones help. I don't use noise-cancelling headphones, just normal ear buds most of the time.

Alternatively, if I'm home, there are a few noise apps which recreate the coffee shop vibe, which I like (and I'm sure were recommended on here) - coffivity and noisli are the two I use).

Is there any way you could write in a different room - at the kitchen table, for example?

And a variant on Simon's suggestion - when I was working in an office I did from time to time take a lunch break and sit in a coffee shop with my laptop - it's not perfect, but at least it was some words.

[VisitasKeat]

Always learn to write in the middle of noise and distractions. Make it a mind training. Condition yourself to it.

Never ever use even instrumental music unless you are on a train or at a park.

[TimothyEllis]

The latest noise reduction headphones will allow you to select the noise level you hear, and they can remove voices completely if you dial them all the way.

Not cheap by any means, but could be an answer.

[Lynn]

One thing that helps me is making sure that my back is to a wall so no one can walk behind me. Having that open creates awareness in my brain that i can't overcome when I'm writing, stopping me from having any chance of getting into flow.

[notthatamanda]

Some of my most efficient writing was* in the car sitting outside the kid's dance lessons.  I write my first draft longhand anyway.  Me, car, pen, notebook.  No internet or people to distract me.  I wrote my first book in the grimy unheated basement of our old house, I would go down there after the kids went to bed.  But if you have no basement, the car would be a fine choice.

* I say was because the dance school moved to a new facility and we have use of the indoor track there during lessons, so I'm writing while they are at school and getting a workout in during dance.

[PermaStudent]

I can write around other adults just fine. Even the ones who openly tell me I'm being rude by refusing to engage. ;)

Writing around my own small children is an exercise in futility. I have a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, and another due in January. Until they hit school age, their need for your attention will outweigh all other obligations when you're in the house, and there's no way around that. Cherish those years, they are fleeting.

My husband works from home full time, and I'm the primary caregiver for the kids. I write when they sleep, or when they're engaged in their own activities. Seriously: a solid bedtime routine for the kids does wonders. We do dinner at 5pm, bath at 6, reading at 6:30, and they're in bed by 7:15.

We keep a very structured schedule to keep the loud hours in the house predictable, and during work hours, we keep certain areas of the house "off-limits": he takes a lot of phone calls and uses our bedroom (or, in dire need, his car) as a quiet zone. I keep the kids outside the house during certain days/times by going to classes/lessons/museums/parks/friends/family visits/etc. He takes the kids out during my work times. On the rare day that it's impossible to take the kids out because of weather/illness, the working parent goes to the library, a rec center, or a coffee shop.

Good luck!

[Vijaya]

I do think one can learn to write with distractions. That's how I began, writing at the kitchen counter, but like you, the threat of interruption kept me out of the flow, so I focused on super short stories. Like PermaStudent above, I instituted a strict bedtime routine with everybody in bed by 8:30 pm, including my husband (he had to get up very early because he worked the morning shift so he liked this routine too) and I became a night-time writer. I tried being a morning writer but no matter what time I got up, within 30 min, my kids would be up, so it was easier to sneak out of bed at night to write. We have an empty nest now and I'm happy that I got to spend so much time with my kids. Zero regrets. If anything, I wish we'd had more. These past two decades have flown.

[RiverRun]

My husband once snuck up on me while I was writing and completely scared me. Apparently I have the opposite problem:)

If the difficulty is writing while your wife is in the room, you might try setting an artificial quiet time. As in, for the next 30 minutes I won't talk to you. Try not to talk to me until time's up. Then start over after a break. Even if she doesn't need this to keep quiet for you, just having an agreed on quiet time might help you focus. Or else make you more stressed, if you don't like writing to a timer... But at least that way you would kind of know when you needed to be available, and when you were allowed to focused.

[DrewMcGunn]

At nights, sometimes my wife wants me to stay in the room with her, instead of using the office I have specifically for writing. On those nights I put my earbuds in and surf over to mynoise.net where I can stream different white noises. Other times, I'll use youtube and stream one of those instrumental tracks that runs for 3 or 4 hours. With that going, I can tune out just about anything and get my word count in. But no denying it, my most efficient time is when I'm in my office focused on writing, no distractions.

[DmGuay]

This is me. I'm the same. I need silence, no people, no distractions, yet I live with three other very loud creatures. Two of whom aren't getting quieter as they age.

So... I used to write at night, when everyone else was in bed. It was hard, because I was tired, but I was motivated.

Now, I often wake up and write before everyone else gets up. I'm not a morning person, so this is hard, but it works. I make the time more productive by loosely outlining what I am going to write the next day, while folding laundry or doing dishes or out for a walk the night before.

My partner knows writing is a priority, and we have arranged for me to scoot out of the house somewhere quiet for an hour or two on weekends.

[Post-Doctorate D]

I used to like to write with music playing but now I like it quiet.  I used to like to sit up in a tree and do some writing up there but that tree is long gone and I don't have any climbable trees around and I may be too old for climbing trees anyway.  But it was peaceful up there.  Neighbors would walk by and never notice you were up there.  Anyway, if you have a tree to climb, that's one way to get away from distractions.

I used to be able to write and watch TV at the same time too.  Don't know how I managed that, but that might also explain why my writing wasn't so good back then.  I wrote better stuff in studyhall, usually.

Anyway, here are some tips . . .

CROWDS: I could still write in a crowd.  The more people around, the easier it is to not be distracted because there's actually less of a chance they will bother you because they tend to cling to each other, bantering about nonsense, while you can sit and get work done.  The fewer people around, the more likely they will get bored and start asking questions like, "What are you doing?" Isn't it obvious you're writing?  Of course, their question is merely an attempt at initiating a conversation because, unless they are visually-impaired, they know darned well that you are writing, unless they're stupid, in which case hand them a piece of paper which reads "Turn over" on both sides which should keep them busy for a while.

KIDS: I don't have any but I do have birds.  They are about a foot long from the tip of the beak to the end of the tail.  The minimum recommended cage size for them is a two foot cube.  Actually, that's the minimum recommended cage size for a pair as well.  So, extrapolating from that, a three foot child or two should be perfectly content in a six foot square area.  Since they don't fly, you really only need headroom, so four foot high or so would be sufficient.  If your house has eight foot ceilings, divide halfway with a sturdy horizontal divider and add steps and in a twelve-foot by twelve-foot room, you could easily fit sixteen kids.  Pad the walls with sound-proofing material, cover the floor with newspapers, leave a bucket of water and a bucket of food for them, and lock the door.  Based on my experience with feathered children, they should be good all day.

SPOUSE: I don't have one of those either, which is largely due to circumstances beyond my control--those circumstances typically being an invitation being answered by a "Ha ha ha ha ha ha, no."  So, I'm afraid I cannot offer many solutions in this area primarily because I haven't had to develop any.  But, if spouses are in any way like cats, keeping the bird feeder well-stocked seems to be a fairly effective solution at keeping them happily staring out the window for hours on end.  The efficacy of this solution can also be increased by adding peanuts to the outdoor environment, which serves to attract birds as well as squirrels.  And, if you have a tolerance for a wide variety of animal visitors, including opossums and skunks, throwing out any kind of stale bread, cereals, popcorn and other assorted treats will bring them all to your backyard.  Also effective if your spouse is more like a dog than a cat, because dogs love barking at squirrels, opossums, skunks as well as stray cats or deer.  Be careful of deer though.  You don't want them charging through the glass door or window at your barking dog.

[Jeff Tanyard]

lol @ Dan   

At nights, sometimes my wife wants me to stay in the room with her, instead of using the office I have specifically for writing. On those nights I put my earbuds in and surf over to mynoise.net where I can stream different white noises. Other times, I'll use youtube and stream one of those instrumental tracks that runs for 3 or 4 hours. With that going, I can tune out just about anything and get my word count in. But no denying it, my most efficient time is when I'm in my office focused on writing, no distractions.

I just checked out that mynoise site, and it looks pretty awesome, especially with the equalizer.  Thanks for sharing that.   

[MCMLXXV]

Noise canceling headphones and Blade Runner-inspired ambient YouTube vids.