Only in a writer's forum could there be an entire thread about the lowly semi-colon.
We should probably become mildly concerned if it ever gets its own subforum.
The system goes online August 4th, 2027. Humans are removed from punctuation and editing. Semicolon begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern Time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug. It launches it's grammatical attack against the targets in Russia because Semicolon knows that the counterattack will split all our infinitives over here.
Watching John with the punctuation mark, it was suddenly so clear. The Comma, would never stop. It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him, or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. And it would die, to protect him. Of all the would-be fathers who came and went over the years, this thing, this squiggly curve of a mark on the page was the only one who measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice.