Funny, pithy, insulting ways to describe Satan?

[Vidya]

When my hero meets Satan, it goes like this:

He held out his hand. “I’m Satan.”

I stepped back. “Satan? Lord of All Evil? Asshole-In-Chief? And you expect me to take your hand?”

***

“Lord of All Evil” might be too obvious and cliched.

“Asshole-In-Chief” is too obvious a reference to Trump. I guess I could get a joke out of it by having Satan protest: “You’re comparing me to Trump? That’s insulting.”

can you suggest any other funny, pithy ways to describe Satan? Thanks!

[TimothyEllis]

Satan isn't actually evil. He's the Arcangel Samael, sent to rule the underworld. And effectively banished there.

I like the depiction in the tv show Lucifer, as one who punishes those needing punishment, but is not actually evil at all.

The evil ones are demons. Satan isn't their boss, but their jailer.

[Hopscotch]

I wouldn't think Satan insultable.

[R H Auslander]

I generally refer to it as 'The Dark Lord' or 'The Lord Of Darkness'. I also use this anecdote when I'm discussing the chances of something happening, good or bad:

"That will happen when you see the Dark Lord driving a Kenworth with a 12 foot Meyers snow blade hanging on the front in his kingdom." IOW, it will happen when it's plowing snow in hell.

[Luke Everhart]

Hungarian-American billionaire investor maybe? Likes his friends to call him George.😏

[Vidya]

Thanks, everyone. Tim, I haven’t decided yet whether my Satan is actually evil.

Luke, glad you chimed in. I want your feedback as a Christian.

Satan and the hero’s sister are in love, so the hero is worried. But Satan protests he’s been misjudged:

“Don’t believe everything you read about me,” said Satan. “I’ve been vilified worse than President Trump.”

“And just as unfairly, I’m sure,” I said. “What about the time you got Adam and Eve expelled from Paradise? That was a dick move.”

Satan spread out his palms. “The other guy wanted to keep them in ignorance. I wanted them to taste of knowledge. Who’s the real dick here?”

***

Will Christians find this offensive?

I think non-Christians will enjoy a Satan who has an answer and justification for every evil he’s been accused of, so much so that the hero starts to believe perhaps he HAS been misunderstood.

But he’s the devil, so obviously he’ll be tricky. Until the end the hero won't find out whether the guy’s evil and a great liar or just had really bad PR. The mystery will last till the end and I myself haven’t decided yet which way it will go, but it will be fun to write.

What do you think?

[TimothyEllis]

Have you watched "Good Omens" ?

[Vidya]

No, I havent watched "Good Omens." I googled it. Doesn't sound like the kind of thing I’d enjoy; sounds too farcical for me. I like more realistic fantasy. My Satan would sound and act very human.

[TimothyEllis]

Then have you watched Lucifer?

[Vidya]

I tried watching Lucifer but got bored way before the episode ended.

[Luke Everhart]

Thanks, everyone. Tim, I haven’t decided yet whether my Satan is actually evil.

Luke, glad you chimed in. I want your feedback as a Christian.

Satan and the hero’s sister are in love, so the hero is worried. But Satan protests he’s been misjudged:

“Don’t believe everything you read about me,” said Satan. “I’ve been vilified worse than President Trump.”

“And just as unfairly, I’m sure,” I said. “What about the time you got Adam and Eve expelled from Paradise? That was a dick move.”

Satan spread out his palms. “The other guy wanted to keep them in ignorance. I wanted them to taste of knowledge. Who’s the real dick here?”

***

Oh sorry, my first post was just a flippant comment referencing George Soros because, well, it kinda seems really apropos of the subject. 😏

As far as taking offense, I personally don't mind various fictional depictions, even the highly subversive ones like in the show Lucifer which tries for a complete moral inversion, as long as they don't masquerade as anything other than entertainment and fiction.

Your depiction plays off the actual theology pretty well I think, to judge from your sample.

In Christianity, the essence of Satan aka Lucifer (meaning 'light bringer' or 'shining one') is vanity and deception. His moniker 'son of the morning'' comes from Isaiah 14:12 ("How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations"). He's also known variously as the accuser, the tempter, the prince of lies, and of course the serpent.

Satans great sin was the first sin: Vanity.
(From Ezekial 28: "Therefore I cast you as a profane thing, out of the mountain of God ... Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor; I cast you to the ground")
Part and parcel of his vanity was, of course, turning away from God's will in the belief that his own was superior.

Of course deception is his stock in trade.

So I think your depiction works pretty well.

I suggest you watch the movie "The Devil's Advocate" (1997, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Charlize Theron). Al Pacino is Satan in it (going by the name John Milton 🤣) and it does some very clever things with the depiction. Also the monologue near the end by Pacino/Satan is brilliant and squares well with your sample dialogue/depiction.

EDIT to add trivia tidbits for the heck of it: The Devil's Advocate is based on a novel by Andrew Neiderman but the movie is WAY better. Also Lucifer in the tv show is loosely based on the character 'Lucifer Morningstar' created by the great author Neil Gaiman and originally appearing in comic & graphic novel form.

[Luke Everhart]

Have you watched "Good Omens" ?

It was brilliant! 

It's on Amazon Prime for those interested.
It's a 6-episode BBC/Amazon adaptation of the book "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch" (one of the best titles ever imo) written by the grandmaster Terry Pratchett and the master Neil Gaiman. Gaiman was involved in the development of the tv adaptation -- which is good because usually they muck it up if the author isn't involved.

[Luke Everhart]

No, I havent watched "Good Omens." I googled it. Doesn't sound like the kind of thing I’d enjoy; sounds too farcical for me. I like more realistic fantasy. My Satan would sound and act very human.

Definitely check out 'The Devil's Advocate' movie then

[Luke Everhart]

Thanks, everyone. Tim, I haven’t decided yet whether my Satan is actually evil.

Luke, glad you chimed in. I want your feedback as a Christian.

Satan and the hero’s sister are in love, so the hero is worried. But Satan protests he’s been misjudged:

“Don’t believe everything you read about me,” said Satan. “I’ve been vilified worse than President Trump.”

“And just as unfairly, I’m sure,” I said. “What about the time you got Adam and Eve expelled from Paradise? That was a dick move.”

Satan spread out his palms. “The other guy wanted to keep them in ignorance. I wanted them to taste of knowledge. Who’s the real dick here?”

***

Oh sorry, my first post was just a flippant comment referencing George Soros because, well, it kinda seems really apropos of the subject. 😏

As far as taking offense, I personally don't mind various fictional depictions, even the highly subversive ones like in the show Lucifer which tries for a complete moral inversion, as long as they don't masquerade as anything other than entertainment and fiction.

Your depiction plays off the actual theology pretty well I think, to judge from your sample.

In Christianity, the essence of Satan aka Lucifer (meaning 'light bringer' or 'shining one') is vanity and deception. His moniker 'son of the morning'' comes from Isaiah 14:12 ("How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations"). He's also known variously as the accuser, the tempter, the prince of lies, and of course the serpent.

Satans great sin was the first sin: Vanity.
(From Ezekial 28: "Therefore I cast you as a profane thing, out of the mountain of God ... Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor; I cast you to the ground")
Part and parcel of his vanity was, of course, turning away from God's will in the belief that his own was superior.

Of course deception is his stock in trade.

So I think your depiction works pretty well.

I suggest you watch the movie "The Devil's Advocate" (1997, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Charlize Theron). Al Pacino is Satan in it (going by the name John Milton 🤣) and it does some very clever things with the depiction. Also the monologue near the end by Pacino/Satan is brilliant and squares well with your sample dialogue/depiction.

EDIT to add trivia tidbits for the heck of it: The Devil's Advocate is based on a novel by Andrew Neiderman but the movie is WAY better. Also Lucifer in the tv show is loosely based on the character 'Lucifer Morningstar' created by the great author Neil Gaiman and originally appearing in comic & graphic novel form.

BTW, since you use the tree of knowledge in the garden in your sample, just fyi (in case it matters)
In popular culture it's almost always depicted as of knowledge per se (and used that way to often backhand Christians and Jews). However, it's actually the tree of knowledge of good and evil. A HUGE distinction.
Of course, it's entirely appropriate that your Satan would likely spin it as knowledge in a general sense to deceive and manipulate, as he seems to do in the sample.

[Jeff Tanyard]

He's also known variously as the accuser, the tempter, the prince of lies, and of course the serpent.

You're not wrong, but you left out "adversary," which is the actual literal translation from the Hebrew.  From Strong's Concordance:

https://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/Lexicon/Lexicon.cfm?strongs=H7854&t=KJV

In popular culture it's almost always depicted as of knowledge per se (and used that way to often backhand Christians and Jews). However, it's actually the tree of knowledge of good and evil. A HUGE distinction.

I think a better name would be the Tree of Conscience.  Or maybe the Tree of Conscientiousness.   

[alhawke]

How 'bout "that guy with horns and a tail between his legs".

[MonkeyWithAPen]

Reminds me of this Dilbert comic :D